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Itís now Wednesday, October 26, and no new e-mails from Frankie or Louie since Friday.I guess the last one finally clued them in that I was busting their chops.I figured it would, but I couldnít resist!Iíve been stringing this guy along since Sept. 19, and would have been happy to keep on doing it as long as they kept it up.Oh, well!It was fun!

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† ----------------------------


Today I used the Jive translator and also the Zippy the Pinhead random phrase generator - wonder at what point, if ever, these guys will give up.

Sent :Friday, October 21, 2005 11:25 PM

To :[email protected]

CC :[email protected], [email protected]

Subject :I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON!

Dear Dr. Jackass:


Fust uh all, Mah' name be not Wowie Zowie! Right on! ah' am Capt. James T. Kirk. Ya' heah? ah' wuz Captain uh de U.S.S. Enterprise. ah' wuz on some 5-year mission t'boldly go where no joker has gone befo'e. A dream dat became some reality and spread droughout da damn stars. Mah' mission wuz also t'wipe da damn Klingons off Uranus. Random chance seems t'have opuh'ted in our favo'. You's WILL address me wid de propuh' RESPECT, Sir!


Preach it loud, bruddah!! Right on!


I still dink youse some Nigerian! Right on! ah' duzn't care whut ya' say. Slap mah fro! You's say ya' is an Ivorian. 'S coo', bro. Ivory comes fum elephants. So's dat means ya' is an elephant killerer! Right on! ah' hate elephant killerers! Right on! ah' real enjoyed watchin' Disney's "Jungle Story'" and ah' real likesd Dumbo and Jumbo da elephants, and it makes me real real real angry when ah' hear about elephant killerers. ah' cannot drow bre'd t'an elephant killerer. Ah be baaad... ah' plum can't do it, ya' hear! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Preach it loud, bruddah! Dose poo' elephants! Right on!


Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease? bleakness.... desolation.... plastic forks...GOOD-NIGHT, everybody.. Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID to my pet LEISURE SUIT!!I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!!Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS... I see TOILET SEATS... Yow! I just went below the poverty line! Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!!the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequed OYSTER! Yum! I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies of the ``WATCHTOWER'' and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to the top.. They look NICE in the yard-- Do I have a lifestyle yet?It's OKAY --- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too. He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd like to PSYCHOLOGICALLY TERRORIZE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess I should call AL PACINO!


FOOLED you! Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!!†† Either CONFESS now or we go to ``PEOPLE'S COURT''!!


Live long and prosper

Capt. James T. Kirk, CEO, pHd, SOL

Whizzinator, Inc.


From: atlanticbnk trust <[email protected]>

To: wowie zowie†††† >

Subject: Atlantic Bank.

Date: Fri, 21 Oct 2005 05:43:54 -0700 (PDT)


Attn: Wowie Zowie.



I acknowledged the receipt of your mail.

Note that the yahoo address is the remitance director department, the bank email address is, [email protected]

Do contact the bank immediately to enable the bank proceed on the transfer process into your account.


I am an Ivoirain and live in Abidjan. I want to assist you and your local partner, I am not a nigerian as you wrongly said, I advice you to send the money immediately to conclude the transfer into your account.


Yours in service,


Dr Lewis Donjack.


From :frank kone <[email protected]>

Sent :Friday, October 21, 2005 3:49 PM

To :††††††

Subject :Say your mind please.


||| Inbox





I think the bank will be in a better possition to answer your question, why they are using yahoo email address, and I don't undertand what you are talking concerning the director's passport.


Please, if you are willing tohelp me and my sister get this money, kindly send the money for the chnaging of the document to your name so that the bank will transfer the money to your account immediately.


If you are not satisfied with the transaction, please tell me so that I will know what to do.


Thank you and waiting to hear from you,


Today I mixed and matched various translators - Valley Girl, Pirate, Jive, Swedish Chef.Also, I actually got them to send me two alleged passport copies, see attached.


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Sent :Thursday, October 20, 2005 11:16 PM

To :[email protected]

CC :[email protected]

Subject :RE: Find the the attached document


Dear Mr. Jackass:


You be a super nasty nerd t' make me bitchin' bucko Mr. Konan cry!Oh, wow! How dare you!Gag me with a pitchfork! Your be a mean mean man. Are you aye that you be not a Nigerian? Are you a pygmy? Do they have pygmies in Nigeria? I think you be Nigerian. I think your passport be a fake. It doesn't look real. What kind o' banker uses a Yahoo e-mail address???. Ayely you must have a legitimate e-mail address from your bank's server


I demand dat ya' give me an e-mail address fum some legitimate bank, oh, baby, t'prove t'me dat ya' are real banker.I demund det yuoo geefe-a Mr.Ah be baaad... Kunun zee muney RIGHT NOV, yuoo heer.Right On!



Ah be baaad...


Yo's truly,

Capt. James T. Kirk, CEO, pHd, SOL

Whizzinator, Inc



From: atlanticbnk trust <[email protected]>

Subject: Find the the attached document.

Date: Thu, 20 Oct 2005 10:41:02 -0700 (PDT)


Attn: Wowie Zowie.



Find the attached documents as requested by you, be informed that it is againstour bank rule to send customers our private Id but due to the way your local partner, Mr. Frank Kone cried in my office, I decided to help by sending you my internation passport.

I advice you to send the money today to enable us conclude with the legal papper works and to give the bank legal right to transfer your funds into your account without futher delay.


Thanks for your understanding and co-operation.

Your's in service,

Dr. Lewis Donjack.



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I didn't answer since Wednesday, and he's got ants in his pants.  Today I used the Cockney translator.  I've also changed the name of my company


Dear Guvnor Konan:

I'm so terribly sorry, right, but I 'ave been right ill these past days, right, right, wich is why I could not answer, right? Right. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? I 'ad 'orrible diarrhea and could not leave the bloomin' baffroom for 3 days. Do yer 'ave diarrhea in yor country too, ffen, ffen, right, eh, then, eh? It is truly orful. Once yer send me the brass I can pay me doctor's bills. I still 'ave not been able ter contact the bloomin' bloody bank manager. It ringgggs, right, and ringgggs, right, and ringgggs, and ringgggs, and ringgggs,and ringgggs, right, but never any answer. I'm bloody well afraid that I right must insist that yer send me by e-mail scanned copies of the bleedin' first page (wiv the chuffin' bloody picture) of yor passport, and that of the bleedin' bank manager. As I mentioned, right, I 'ave been cheated twice before. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Please be assured that I'm bloody well a man of 'onor and integrity and will destroy the bloody information I receive it. Yor secret is safe wiv me. Once I bobby the chuffin' passport copies, right, I will immediately wire the bleedin' $4500, right, plus a wee extra for yor Barney Rubbles.


I 'ave a look forward ter 'earin' from yer soon. Sincerely, right, right,


Studebaker Hawk, CEO, pHd, right, SOL
Wizzinator, Inc.


>From: frank kone <[email protected]>
>To: ††††
>Subject: Sir, the bank is waiting for you.
>Date: Fri, 14 Oct 2005 12:44:25 +0200 (CEST)
>Dear Sir,
>What is the problem please, have I offended you?.
>Your silence is making me uncomfortable, please the bank is waiting for you for the transfer of the money, you just kept everything tigth.

>Waiting to hear from you as you receive this please,

>Frank Kone.

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† ---------------------------------------------------


















Today it's the moron translator.If you read his response to my last e-mail, I think he's starting to get a bit testy.†† He's not going to like this one any better.

From: wowie zowie†††† >

To: [email protected]

Subject: RE: May God bless you sir.

Sent: Wednesday, October 12, 2005 9:20 PM

Dear Mr. Konan:


Thank you f' your e-mail. I real do abbreshate your hard work, 'n you will be rich reerdid f' your eff'ts. I habe triid and triid and triid to call Mr. Lewis Dondgack at de numbeheh you gabe me, uh, but dehe is nebeh any answebuhr. I must tell you dat I absoloot positibe must habe photocopies of the, uh, first page of your passport 'n dat of Mr. Lewis Dondgack. I habe already been cheatid out of tens of dousands of dollars by unscrupulous Nigehians, duuhhhh, 'n I don't want it t' happen again. I know dat you are not a Nigehian, which is errrr, why I am choosigg t' do bidness. Dose Nigehians are low-down, dirty, mean 'n nasty scoundrels who probab don't call deir modehs on heh birdday. I hope dat you can undehstand errrr, why I find it necess t' take dese mehbshurs. I am afraid dat I must insist on dem. Oss I receibe the, ERRRR, scannid photocopies of the, uh, first page (wid picture) of your passport, uh, 'n dat of Mr. Gawlly! Dondgack, I will immedut wire de $4500 bia Eastern Onion.




Studebaker Hawk, CEO, pHd, SOL

Big Swifty, Inc.



††† From: frank kone <[email protected]>


Subject: May God bless you sir.

Date: Tue, 11 Oct 2005 19:51:19 +0200 (CEST)


Dear Sir,

I have met the bank director and collected their bank contacts.

The banker was annoyed when I asked him to give me his passport number to send to you, he began to ask me what do I mean, that you have nothing to do with his passport number, he gave me the other contacts see it below.


Attached is the deposited document which the bank issued to my late father the day he deposited the money with them, the deposit certificate and the agreement he made with them, I just sent it to you so that you will know all the truth about this transaction, so see the bank contacts below.


The name of the bank is, Atlantic Bank & Trust Plc.

Address, 98 bd Giscard d' Estaing, zone 4 Abidjan Cote D' Ivoire.

Contact person, Dr Lewis Donjack.

Tel number, +22505440387.

Fax Number, +22507774583.


Sir, is now over to you, call him and verify whatever you like from him, and then send the money so that we will conclude on this please.


Waiting for your positive response,


Frank Kone.

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† -------------------------------------------------


Today it's the Elmer Fudd translator.Next I will invite him and his sister to my ficticious mansion and yacht.It's in Pelican Bay.

From :wowie zowie†††† >

Sent :Thursday, October 6, 2005 4:08 PM

To :[email protected]

Subject :RE: May God bless you sir.


Deaw Mw. Konan:


I am so sowwy you awe having difficuwties. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! Dat scwewy bank diwectow sounds wike a cwook. Is he a Nigewian?Is he a Pygmy?You shouwd go to the powice and wepowt him. I know how difficuwt it must be fow a fine upstanding Chwistian such as youwsewf. You awe a Chwistian, awen't you? Awe you a Pygmy? I am a miwwionaiwe, I have a mansion and a yacht, and I send you the $4500. Pwease send me the name of youw bank,addwess, tewephone and fax numbews, the routing number and account number. Awso send me youw fuww name, addwess, tewephone, and passport numbew.


Wherew's my Hasenpfeffer?




Studebaker Hawk, CEO, pHd, SOL

Big Swifty, Inc.




††† From: frank kone <[email protected]>


Subject: May God bless you sir.

Date: Thu, 6 Oct 2005 10:04:29 +0200 (CEST)


Dear Sir,


Sorry I could not get back to you yesterday as I promised, I came so late and we are not allowed to out of the camp at nigth.


I do submitted your information to the bank yesterday, but there's one thing, the bank director said that it will cost some little money to make change of ownership to your name as the owner and beneficiary of the money before the money will be transferr'd to your account.


He said it will cost the sum of $4,500, and I do not have it, please try and get this so that they will tansfer the money to your account please, I have promised to compensate you with %20 for your assistance, more I and my sister will come over there for the investment of the money which you will also be the trustee.


Please I am waiting for your urgent urgent and positive response becasue the bank is waiting for you.


May God bless you,


Frank Kone.


††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† ---------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll give him credit - he doesn't give up!  Today I used the Swedish Chef Translator.  I still have others left - Valley Girl, Elmer Fudd, Redneck, Pirate, etc.  To be continued!

From: wowie zowie†††† >
To: [email protected]
Subject: Dog is my copilot
Sent: Wednesday, October 5, 2005 5:44 PM

Deer Mr. Konan:

Thunk yuoo fur yuoor e-maill.  I surry  fur me-a speek bed Inglesh, boot yoo see-a I ere-a imeegrant frum Lower Slubufeea und I is fery oold.  I tryeng tu vrete-a mure-a cleer now.

I send lest messege-a in secret code-a, called Pigg Lateen.  I vurry thet peuple-a might feend out ebuot oor secret.  Pig Lateen is tu teke-a furst letter off vurd und poot at end und poot "ay" effter.  Yuo luuk et my last e-mail und noo yuoo understand perffectly.

Pleese-a send me-a my muney qooeeckly becoose-a I hafe muny prublems veet bill cullecturs.  Zeey cell me-a dey und nieght.  Dere-a is nu sympethy fur un oold man whu mede-a sume-a meestekes in dee past.  I veell kill myselff iff thees cunteenooes.

Bork Bork Bork!


Studebaker Hawk, CEO, pHd, SOL
Big Swifty, Inc.


Dear Sir,

Thank you so much for the provided information, and God will continue to bless you for your willingness in helping me out of this situation.

I will be going to the bank this morning to submit them for the transfer of the money, once I come's back I will also let you know.

Your english is to difficult for me to understand it, please write in a plain english language.

I will get back to you sir,


Frank Kone.


From: wowie zowie†††††
Subject: RE: God is my withness.
Sent: Tuesday, October 4, 2005 5:34 PM

Earday mray. Onankay:

Ankthay youay orfay youray eassuringray ordsway. Iyay eelfay uchmay etterbay ownay atthay Iyay owknay youay areyay ayay ustworthytray ersonpay. Unfortunatelyyay youay areyay amongyay ayay inoritymay ofyay eoplepay atthay Iyay ancay usttray. Inyay actfay, Iyay eelfay unsafeyay evenyay itingwray isthay e-mailyay, ecausebay omeonesay ightmay indfay outyay. Ereforethay Iyay amyay itingwray isthay essagemay inyay igpay atinlay. Easeplay erifyvay ifyay youay areyay ableyay otay ecodeday isthay essagemay. Isthay ayway ouryay informationyay illway emainray otallytay onfindentialcay Erehay isyay ethay informationyay youay equestedray:

Amenay: Udebakerstay Awkhay
Ageyay: 85
Eltay. (900) 385-6387
Ankbay: Ornholiocay Ationalnay Ankbay Ocationlay:
Ueblay Allbay, APAY
eckingchay accountyay: 028800798 413997895

Easeplay urryhay andyay endsay emay ethay oneymay ightray awayyay,


Udebakerstay Awkhay, EOCAY, pHday, OLSAY
Ornholiocay Enterprisesyay, lLCay


  From: frank kone <[email protected]
Subject: God is my withness.
Date: Tue, 4 Oct 2005 10:53:22 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Sir,


Thanks for your response it's well understood.


Please swearing is against my religion, but I have to do it since you are doubting me, I swear with the name of God and telling you that this business is real and not a scam, so if you are willing to help me as you said kindly forward to me the requested information, your banking details and account where the  money will be transferred into, your private telephone and fax number, your age and occupatio, and anything to identify you, all this I will go and submit it to the bank for the transfer of the money.


It's true a lot of things are happening in the world today, but God in heaven know's that I have not come to cheat on you, I also have the proove's, such as the deposit certificate and the agreementory letter which the bank issued to my late father on the day of deposit.


I am waiting to receive the information from you after going through this message.


Thank and God will bless you for your care,


Frank Kone.

From :  wowie zowie†††††
Sent :  Monday, October 3, 2005 5:16 PM
Subject :  RE: Waiting to hear from you.

|  |  | Inbox

Greetin's uh de day. Right On!

I's gots'ta be eaga' to assist ya' in dese troublin' times, but befo'e ah' proceed, ah' must remove one doubt fum mah' mind. As ya' are undoubtedly aware, some lot uh sucka's gots' been snatchn advantage uh by unscrdownulous Nigerian scam artists. Dose nasty Nigerians are pure crooks, ah' tell ya'. ah' hope sucka's in Sierra Leone are mo'e honest. Based on yo' comments it be apparent dat ya' are some fine God-fearin' downstandin' Christian, which helps ease mah' concern, but please swear t'me dat ya' gots'ta not try t'cheat me. What it is, Mama!

I look fo'ward t'hearin' fum ya' soon. 'S coo', bro.


Studebaker Hawk,CEO, pHd, SOL
Big Swifty, Inc.



Thank you for your response and your willingness in helping me out of this situation, may the good Lord continue to bless you, Amen.


Please, forward the requested information so that I will go and submit it to the bank for the transfer of the money.


I will like us to conclude on time so that I and my sister will make the arrangment of coming over to join you for the investment of the money, please help we are surffering a lot here.


Thank you and waiting to hear from you,


Frank Kone.


Betids of dhe day do you!

Wet me intoduce mysef. My name is Studebaker Hawk I am dhe pesiden of Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe, Inc. . A mid tized manufactuer based bin Ohio bid taes bin da excess of 0 miwwion annuawwy. Pehaps you've nead of our logan, "Why does it nut when I pee?".

I woud wike do nep you bin da business dea dhat you poposed. If dhee is an way dhat I oud be of assistance do you bin dis dea pease deww me. Pehaps I oud fy do Toud Afica an we oud discuss dhis after we bet do know each odar better dhough futher e-mai ontact.

I am wookin' fowad do your e-maiesponse an I woud wike do nep you an way possibe. May Bod be bid you.


Studebaker Hawk, CEO, pHd, SOL
Dewey, Cheatham & Howe, Inc.


TEL:00225 07716816

Dear Sir,

I am FRANK KONE the only son of late former Director of finance, CHIEF VINCENT R. KONE Sierra-Leone diamond and mining corporation. I must confess my agitation is real, and my words is my bond, in this proposal. My late father diverted this money meant for purchase of ammunition, for my country, during the peak of disastrous civil war in my country, now he has deposited the money with a BANK here in Abidjan, where I am residing under political asylum with my younger sister Mary .

Now the war in my country is over with the help of ECOMOG soldiers, the present government of Sierra Leone has revoked the passport of all officers who served under the former regime and now ask countries to expel such person at the same time freeze their account and confiscate their assets, it is on this note that I am contacting you, all I need from you is to furnish me with your bank particulars:

1) Account name
2) Account number
3) Bank address, telephone and fax number For you to assist me transfer this money in your private bank account, the said amount is (fifteen Million Dollars) $15Million.I am compensating you with 20% of the total amount.

Now all my hope is banked on you and I really want to invest this money in your country, were their is stability of Government, political and economic welfare. Honestly I want you to believe that this transaction is real and never a joke. My late father CHIEF VINCENT R. KONE gave me the photocopies of the certificate of deposit issued to him by the BANK on the date of deposit, for you to be clarify because,

I do not expose my self to anybody I see, I believe that you are able to keep this transaction secret for me because this money is the hope of my life, it is important.
And my late father used me the only son as the beneficiary / next of kin on the day of deposit and also told me I need an assistance of a foreigner with a legitimate bank Account abroad who will stand as co-beneficiary and partner abroad to ensure a successful hitch free transfer of the fund abroad.

Please call me immediately after you must have gone through my message.Feel free and make it urgent. Please try and negotiate for me some profitable blue chip investment opportunities which is risky free which I can invest with this money when it is transferred to your account, personally I am interested in estate management and hotel business,please advise me.
Thanks and God bless

Best regards