=============================
Please note ... offensive statements are included purely for purposes of baiting.
They do not, in any way, represent the views of the author.
Bold Red text is a commentary added later (not part of the emails)
Monospace font indicates emails received
Sans Serif font indicates emails sent.
=============================
Original Email from the scammer
Dear Sir,
I am Mr Eme Harris of Union Bank Plc.Iam the personal accounts manager
to late Mr. Robert ,a national of your country,who used to work with Philips
Oil Explorations company
here in
On
in a fatal air disaster. My Client and his family together with other
persons
had boarded the ill-fated Executive Airlines Services (EAS Airlines) which
took off from
on the outskirts of
For more details and pictures of the plain crash
click:;http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/1968616.stm
Since then, I have made conscientious inquiries to locate any of my client's
relations and this has proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful
attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate
any member of his family , hence I contacted you since you have similar
surname. Mr. Robert died intestate leaving valuable properties as well as
some money in Union bank here.
I have therefore, contacted you to cooperate with me to claim the money
To Be precise,my
deceased client had $3.0m(Three million
Dollars) in the bank account.
I have all necessary information and documents to this deposit. All we
need to do is to move this money from his account to a bank account to
be nominated by you.
To accomplish this purpose , you will act as my client's next of kin.
With all the information at my disposal, I will do all the documentations.
Upon the completion of this transaction which will last only a few days ,
you will be entitled to 40%($1,200,000.00) while I will take the balance.
Reply me through my email adress for more details.
Thank you in advance for your anticipated co-operation.
Best regards,
Mr Eme Harris
Accounts Manager
Union Bank Plc
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
First response, introducing Doctor Alex Cox (me) ...
|
Dear Mr Harris,
Many thanks for getting in touch. You are to be praised for your efforts in locating the most worthy recipient of Mr. Roberts small fortune. I would be pleased to assist in whatever way I can.
A little about myself. I am Dr. Alex Cox, Consultant in Psychiatry. I was based for many years at the Southern General Hospital in Glasgow (Scotland), but following a tricky malpractice suit against me, I have been forced to seek short assignments in various hospitals across the UK (and occasionally in the US). The law suit was costly, and I find myself somewhat tight for money. Therefore the transaction you propose should allow me finally to retire.
It is unfortunate that our financial stability should come at
the cost of such human tragedy, but I suspect as Mr Roberts and family
hurtled towards
I look forward to hearing from you with instructions on the next stage.
Yours sincerely,
Dr Alex Cox
============================= My psychiatrist said I was paranoid. Well, he didn't actually say it, but I Could tell he was thinking it" (Unknown) =============================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Chaser due to no respone after a day or two Mr Harris, Concerned that perhaps you have missed my first correspondence. Awaiting your reply.
Regards,
Dr Alex Cox
============================== My best friend has obsessive compulsive disorder. I invite her round when I can't be bothered tidying the house. ( I. Chuggalot ) ==============================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ And we have a bite !!! (must have taken 2 days to write this)
Dear Dr Alex Cox ,
Thanks for your prompt responses to me,and also for your interest to assist me to conclude the transaction .Pls this transaction should be treated with the urgency it required. Pls permit me for this enquiry.How many years are you ,and what do you do for aliving.?Pls all our correspondences must be kept confidential as iam also doing now.
Pls. i want a matured ,and an honest person who would religiously give me my share when the money is finally transfered into your bank account in a few days to come.Also, as the accounts manager of my bank,i ve an image to protect and to defend you as the next of kin to the late Mr Robert Cox.I need an honest person in this transaction.Pls,this transaction is real and not a scam.I will meet you in your country a day before the confirmation of the money into your account,when its transferred next week.if you re interested.
Meanwhile, this is the details of the transaction as fellows;However,my client Late Mr.Robert Cox and the entire family died in an air accident here in Nigeria in the year 2002 and ever since we received this sad news ,we have been expecting any member of the deceased family to come forward to the bank to declare as the next of kin ,but have not seen anybody since then.
Therefore, as the Personal accounts manager to Mr. Robert Cox,i have been defending his accounts legger with the management of the bank so that the bank may not declare the money as unclaimed deposit.infact, this is why i contacted you as you have the same surname with late Mr. Robert to act as the Next Of Kin so that we can work together to claim and transfer this money into your nominated bank account in any bank and Counttry of your wish.
Pls iam very honest to you and will also wants you to be honest and matured to me so that we can conclude with the banks processes next week.As a senior staff of the bank,i will guide you and the lawyer that may represent you in this transaction,since you can't be able to come to Nigeria for the process of the documents.I will provide some vital documents of the late customer to you and the lawyer that will represent us in the bank.Keep these highly confidential.
Pls if this explanation is ok to you,kindly call or reply me so that i can give you the text application which you will forward to my banks Managing Director as the Next Of Kin to the deceased.
Pls let me explain it to you further.When you forward the application for next of kin to my bank,then the bank will reply and request you to forward four vital documents which will identify and confirm you as the true next of kin to the decease.
These Four documents are as fellows; [1] Death Certificate of the Deceased [2] Sworn Affidavit of Claim as Next of kin [3] Letter of Probate Registry, awarding the estate to you [4] Deposit Certificate Of The Deceased
Infact,these documents shall be procured to you by the attorney which i will introduce to you when my bank request it from you.This attorney will process those vital documents for you and will represent you in our bank until the money is transferred in to your account.Both of us will take care of his legal services charge and the documentations fees.Infact,the attorney will represent you in this transaction and will expedite the bank to remitt the money into your account.He will continue to defend you legally in future even after the transfer.The attorney will take care of all the documentations on your behalf.Pls,my bank may invite you to Nigeria for the signing of some vital documents,but where you cannot be able to come the lawyer must represent you in the bank.i will be guiding you and the lawyer,since iam in the bank and also involved in the transaction.Pls keep all our correspondences confidential.
What to do now is that i will send to you the text of the application on request, which you will forward to my bank to introduce yourself as the next of kin to my deceased costomer [Mr Robert Cox].
Honestly, as the accounts manager of my bank ,i ve an image to protect and to defend your application as iam involved in the transaction.Pls for the security of this transaction,you should always contact me via this email; imeharris@yahoo.com
Pls.read through the details,digest it, and request me to send you the application which you will forward to my bank to claim as the Next Of Kin to Mr. Robert Cox [late].
All my internal arrengement towards the success of this transaction in your favour ve been concluded.I will also send to you the Fixed Deposit Certificate,and Death Certificates of late Mr.Robert Cox which you will forward to my bank to confirm you as the next of kin to the deceased.
i await your responses and please call my telephone no;+ 234 803 3345356 for more process details.Pls, do call me now on receipt of this mail.You may also send me your private phone numbers to call you.
Best Regards
Mr Eme Harris Accounts Manager Telephone;+ 234 803 3345356 imeharris@yahoo.com |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
This next mail was bounced (he's already been barred from an account ... good work)
Dear Ima Hairyass
At last, a response. Interesting definition of urgency.
You have given me a lot of information, and I will address each point accordingly.
I grant you permission (as requested) to ask my age. I am 58 years old (nearing retirement age as previously intimated). And, as also previously intimated, I am a medical practitioner, in the field of Psychiatry (thanks for asking again). I think my most notable contribution to the field to date, was when I uncovered a correlation between Anorexia, and teenage rebellion. I realised that telling an anorexic person that they were thin only makes them worse, as they are determined to rebel against conventional wisdom. Now I tell all my anorexic patients that I think they're looking a little plump. Before you know it, they've got a season pass at McDonalds.
Honesty and confidentiality are cornerstones of my profession, so you should have no worries there. Of course, one or two of my colleagues have strayed from the path on occasion. You may have read about my esteemed (and now sadly infamous) colleague, Dr Richard Puller, who was imprisoned having been found guilty of indecent assault on a deaf / dumb patient of his. I understand his defence was that he believed the patient to have consented because she didn't say 'no'. His legal team believed they'd stumbled upon a neat legal loophole, however the prosecution pointed out that bestiality and necrophilia remain illegal, despite a similar potential defence.
As for the details of the transaction, I can confirm that I am on-board (unlike the unfortunate Robert Maxwell). I have, as you suggest, digested them. I'm now off to take a Rennie.
Awaiting your further instruction,
Dr Alex Cox
==================================
The hardest part of practising psychiatry
is when you meet a stupid, fat, ugly person
with low self esteem.
(Professor Innocence)
==================================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bounce message (so I resent my mail to his first address)
|
Hi. This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com. I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.
<imeharris@yahoo.com>: 4.79.181.14 failed after I sent the message. Remote host said: 554 delivery error: dd This user doesn't have a yahoo.com account (imeharris@yahoo.com) [-5] - mta185.mail.mud.yahoo.com
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ And his recovery ...
Dear Dr Alex Cox,
Immense thanks for your email to me.infact,it sounds as if you re a lectureer to me.
I am glad of your age and would like our transaction to be handled maturedly.Pls my yahoo email Id had some technical faults and i will advice you to use my email address;emeharris1@yahoo.com in your next correspondences to me as the alternative email box.
Pls without talking much,do you want me to email you the text application which you will send to my bank as the next of kin to the late Robert Cox.Pls if you re interested,make request from me and i will send the application to you.Pls,i will like you to call me on phone so that i can give you some guidelines and the next stage of the transaction.Call my telephone no;+234 803 3345356 for vital discusion.You may also send your phone numbers for me to call you.
Pls the application is with me now waiting for your request.
i will be waiting for your call and mail today.
Pls call me now as soon as you receive this mail.
Regards
Eme Harris Accounts Manager Union Bank Plc |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Lets see how far I can push this (the number I give him is for Samaritans) ...
Dearest Eme,
Rotten luck about the email address. How does that make you feel?
I know you said you didn't want to talk much, but often (I find) talking over ones troubles can help find the first step towards a way through. Take for example a former patient of mine, Bob Aglicker who presented at my clinic claiming to receive messages from extra terrestrial beings. At first I was inclined to believe that some non-human power was at work, as Bob seemed to be in possession of knowledge about me and my family that he could not otherwise have known. It wasn't until he described in detail the interior of my bedroom that I realised that Bob was fornicating with my wife. So I invoked the mental health act, and detained Bob indefinitely, citing dangerous delusional fantasies as the justification. I also prescribed him bromide which causes erectile dysfunction, and guaranteed that he would never again be able to commit such a filthy act. You see, talking over difficult feelings really does present solutions.
Please now send the required documents. I am currently on assignment, staying in a hotel, and so am not able to call your number (due to prohibitive international call tariffs). You can however call my secretary, who will page me. Due to my colourful past, and growing number of disgruntled patients, my secretary (Sam Aritans) is under strict instructions only to page me if the code phrase is used. It is very important that you do exactly as follows:
Call+44 8457 909090 and say the following (exactly) "I am Sue Sidal. I need Cox"
Sam will put you straight through.
I look forward to your call, and the text application.
Dr Alex Cox
======================
I'm sick of being Bulimic.
(Diana Spencer)
======================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bit confusing this, but the top part is the section I've to send to the bank, bottom section is his next response to me.
|
The Managing Director Union Bank PLC. Fax: +234 1 7593807. Email: Unionbank_plc@yahoo.com
Dear Sir, A Member of my family,Mr. Robert Cox, who was employed by
Phillips Oil Explorations Company in I have learned that Mr. Robert had an account (#0143355018) with your bank, and I am writing to confirm the status of that account. The account value as at the time of death is $3,000,000.00 [Three Million United States Dollars only] Therefore, please let me know the status of the account, and what steps I need to take in order to realize it. I will enlist the services of our family’s Nigerian attorney to prepare the necessary documents to execute my interest in your bank. We shall take care of the attorney’s legal fees and the documentation Charges. I am waiting for your urgent reply. Sincerely, Dr. Alex. Cox Adress; Phone; Fax;
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Dr. Alex., I got your mail and the content quite educative. Pls email the above application to my as stated and pls try to call me on phone as to in guide you more on the next stage. Pls am very busy today in the banking hall attending to our customers and i wish you call me.I may call you today if am less busy. I wish you goodluck and Gods guide Iam waiting Regards Eme harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I do as instructed, but this email
address has also been barred. Note, the fax number is that of the Ian Paisley's
Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) in
The Managing Director
Union Bank PLC.
Fax: +234 1 7593807.
Email: Unionbank_plc@yahoo.com
Dear Sir,
A Member of
my family,Mr. Robert Cox, who was employed by Phillips Oil Explorations
Company in
I have learned that Mr. Robert had an account (#0143355018) with your bank, and I am writing to confirm the status of that account. The account value as at the time of death is $3,000,000.00 [Three Million United States Dollars only]
Therefore, please let me know the status of the account, and what steps I need to take in order to realize it. I will enlist the services of our family’s Nigerian attorney to prepare the necessary documents to execute my interest in your bank.
We shall take care of the attorney’s legal fees and the documentation Charges.
I am waiting for your urgent reply.
Sincerely,
Dr. Alex. Cox
Adress; No Fixed Abode
Phone; 44 8457 909090 (secretary Sam Aritans)
Note: I will only be paged if the caller says: "I am Sue Sidal. I need Cox"
Fax;
44 28 90521813
Note: All fax correspondence should be marked "FAO: Department of Orange Knobheads"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bounce
|
Hi. This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com. I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.
<Unionbank_plc@yahoo.com>: 4.79.181.13 failed after I sent the message. Remote host said: 554 delivery error: dd Sorry your message to unionbank_plc@yahoo.com cannot be delivered. This account has been disabled or discontinued [#102]. - mta140.mail.mud.yahoo.com
|
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I inform the scammer (as if he doesn't know) ...
Dearest Ima whoreass ...
I am sorry to report that the bank's email system appears to be having difficulties (similar to yours earlier this week). My below message to them was sent back to me. Perhaps you would do me the kind favour of forwarding it to another (working) address, keeping me on copy for awareness.
I am slightly concerned by the prospect of bringing lawyers into our transaction, as I'm sad to say I have had difficult experiences with the legal profession in the past. I mentioned to you in a previous memo that I was the subject of a tricky little malpractice suit some time ago. It related to a patient (Drew Peacock) who was referred to me due to the fact that he was impotent. I determined that his symptoms were as a result of an underlying clinical depression, and decided to administer ECT. However, during one session, I (by accident) administered four times the normal current. It seems the added electrical load on his brain, permanently left him with the delusion that he was a beagle dog. Certainly, that would explain why he suddenly took up smoking, and began peeing on the legs of his care workers.
My legal team's handling of the fact that I had been drinking Pimms that morning, was inadequate to say the least. And so I was found guilty of professional misconduct.
I also had less than favourable relations with lawyers representing my ex wife (Anita), during our divorce proceedings. But more of that later.
I await your next advice, and phone call (through my secretary Sam). You could of course fax me on the number stated below, remembering of course to mark the fax: "FAO: Department of Orange Knobheads"
Later dude,
Dr Alex Cox
=======================
Sometimes I drink to forget.
But I never forget to drink
(Ivan Lee Wanbaw)
=======================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another quick recovery (for some reason, this email was sent four times) ...
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Dear Alex, I ve gone through your mail.i ve also checked the secretary to the Managing Director and she told me that the email box had technical problem.She gave me the alternative email address as ; union-bankplc@excite.com Pls forward your application to the bank now.Pls call me now as am leaving the office for my house.Pls send the application now See you-------------time 6.20pm iam waiting
Regards Eme Harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Then a chaser from the impatient 419er
|
Dear Dr. Alex. Cox, Compliment of the day. Pls i want to know if you ve forwarded the text application to my bank's alternative email address given to you yesterday?.try to send the application now. Be expecting my phone call later today I will try to reach the secretary to the Managing Director of my bank to know if she ve received the application from your goodself today.? I await your responds Regards Eme Harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I send to the NEW bank email address ...
|
Please find below, important documents, originally sent to your former email address ...
Note: forwarded message attached. |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And inform our friend ...
Dearest Ima,
I have now sent the form to the updated email address at the bank. I would have performed this administrative task sooner, however, I have spent much of the day reading a novel new clinical study, published by the leading Russian venerial disease expert, Ivan Nastyitch. And what an interesting read it is, though sadly devoid of illustrations. He relays a slightly disturbing case of a patient whose left gonad had swollen so much, that he required a shopping trolley to transport it. Imagine the looks the poor man must have got when doing his weekly shopping at Lidl.
I must however, make haste now, as I am attending a dinner, provided by a drug company, hoping to entice me into endorsing their latest anti-psychotic remedy. I'll be sure to send you some if they prove efficacious.
Yours,
Dr Alex Cox
=========================
I'm tired of being narcoleptic.
(I. Emsley-Ping)
=========================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Who takes a break from business to tell me a little about himself ...
|
Dear Dr Alex, Iam glad to read your mail that you ve submited your application to the Union Bank.Pls lets wait for the responses from the management of the bank.Pls, if the bank responds to you ,do not hasitate to let me know. Dr Cox, i read books of NORMAN VINCENT PARLE at my leusure time. I will try to call you today. Congratulation Eme Harris Union Bank
|
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So, like any good psychiatrist, I probe further ...
Hello again Emily,
I assume you meant Norman Vincent Peale, author of various self-help, positive thinking manuals. I too have delved into his work. Pray tell, what was your view of his work "You Can if You Think You Can"?
Perhaps, for me, his defining contribution was "The Power of Positive Thinking". And by defining, I mean defined him as a happy-clappy, pseudo-scientific, self obsessed bellend. It really isn't a great philisophical breakthrough to claim that 'anything is possible with God'. Nor is it (in my view) particularly accurate. We in the psychiatric profession have a special word for these types of works. We call them "Pissflaps".
However, as scientists, we're always open to the views of others, so that we can test alternative theories. So please, I'd love for you to write an in-depth review of some of Peale's works.
Awaiting your insight,
Dr Alex Cox
=========================
My obsessive compulsive friend
has found her perfect job. She
tests light switches in a sterile lab.
(Alcott Crabs)
=========================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Response from the bank ...
|
|
UNION BANK PLC
128 BROAD STREET [ HEADQUARTERS.]
FAX: 234-1-759 3807
E-MAIL:union-bankplc@excite.com
LAGOS-NIGERIA
OUR REF:ubp/v018/014/8.vol.216/05. Date:14th. July, 2005
Attention:Dr Alex Cox
Dear Sir,
RE: ACCOUNT OF MR.ROBERT COX (DECEASED), ACCOUNT NO. 0143355018
We write to acknowledge receipt of your mail. We re equally aware that Mr.Robert Cox has an account with us and that the account has not been functional for over three years.
However, until this moment, there has been no official notification to us concerning the death of Mr Robert Cox, secondly, nobody has come up to claim his (deceased) estate which is worth about US$3,000,000.00)Three Million United States Dollars only. We therefore regard your claim as a welcome development.
Nevertheless, you need to present us with the following documents to authenticate your claims.
1. Death Certificate of the Deceased
2. Sworn Affidavit of Claim as Next of kin
3. Letter of Probate Registry, awarding the estate to you.
4. Deposit Certificate. ETC
Upon presentation of these documents, we shall proceed in processing the documents for the remittances of the money into your nominated bank accounts soon.
In addition to your Nigeria attorney, we shall be glad to receive the lawyer with an introductory letter from you.
We also have bank certified attorneys incase you need one. Note that any attorney we recommend to you, the bank will have nothing to do with your negotiations and his charges.
We anticipate your soonest response.
Thank you.
Yours faithfully.
Mrs. Edith Udoh Wilson [Secretary]
for;MANAGING DIRECTOR.
Union Bank Plc
|
|
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And my follow up ...
|
Dear Mrs Wilson, How refreshing to be dealing with a female banker. You know, it's unusual to find a woman who admits to being a banker (whereas there are more male bankers around than planets in the universe).
If I may say so though, your banking technique is a little formal and uptight. Perhaps I may suggest loosening up a little. I think you'll find banking far more satisfying if you do.
But back to the business in hand. It may take a short time for me to be able to round up the necessary documentation. In the meantime, please (as offered) put me in touch with an attorney. I am not overly trusting of UK lawyers, but I am sure that one from your beautiful country will nothing but honest and trustworthy.
Yours (if you play your cards right)
Dr Alex Cox
========================== If you don't find the answer at the bottom of the bottle, you are asking the wrong question (Colin Yerbluff) ========================== |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Seeking clarity (and reassurance) from Eme ...
|
Alas Eme, you are quite the little prophet. Below is what I've received from your banking colleagues, following my (our) application.
I now look to you for guidance. Call it (if you will) working your 'black magic'. If I understand correctly, we need to deal with TWO lawyers. I have asked the bank to appoint one, and if memory serves, you will take care of the other. This could all become somewhat complicated, so for avoidance of doubt, I'll refer to them hereinafter as Perry Mason, and Mattlock.
So, the bank (I assume) will shortly offer me the services of Perry Mason (wheelchair and all). You shall now put me in touch with Mattlock (give him a hotdog and he'll do anything). Mattlock it is (if I'm following the process correctly), who will take care of the paperwork.
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