=============================
Please note ... offensive statements are included purely for purposes of baiting.
They do not, in any way, represent the views of the author.
Bold Red text is a commentary added later (not part of the emails)
Monospace font indicates emails received
Sans Serif font indicates emails sent.
=============================
Original Email from the scammer
Dear Sir,
I am Mr Eme Harris of Union Bank Plc.Iam the personal accounts manager
to late Mr. Robert ,a national of your country,who used to work with Philips
Oil Explorations company
here in
On
in a fatal air disaster. My Client and his family together with other
persons
had boarded the ill-fated Executive Airlines Services (EAS Airlines) which
took off from
on the outskirts of
For more details and pictures of the plain crash
click:;http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/1968616.stm
Since then, I have made conscientious inquiries to locate any of my client's
relations and this has proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful
attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate
any member of his family , hence I contacted you since you have similar
surname. Mr. Robert died intestate leaving valuable properties as well as
some money in Union bank here.
I have therefore, contacted you to cooperate with me to claim the money
To Be precise,my
deceased client had $3.0m(Three million
Dollars) in the bank account.
I have all necessary information and documents to this deposit. All we
need to do is to move this money from his account to a bank account to
be nominated by you.
To accomplish this purpose , you will act as my client's next of kin.
With all the information at my disposal, I will do all the documentations.
Upon the completion of this transaction which will last only a few days ,
you will be entitled to 40%($1,200,000.00) while I will take the balance.
Reply me through my email adress for more details.
Thank you in advance for your anticipated co-operation.
Best regards,
Mr Eme Harris
Accounts Manager
Union Bank Plc
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
First response, introducing Doctor Alex Cox (me) ...
|
Dear Mr Harris,
Many thanks for getting in touch. You are to be praised for your efforts in locating the most worthy recipient of Mr. Roberts small fortune. I would be pleased to assist in whatever way I can.
A little about myself. I am Dr. Alex Cox, Consultant in Psychiatry. I was based for many years at the Southern General Hospital in Glasgow (Scotland), but following a tricky malpractice suit against me, I have been forced to seek short assignments in various hospitals across the UK (and occasionally in the US). The law suit was costly, and I find myself somewhat tight for money. Therefore the transaction you propose should allow me finally to retire.
It is unfortunate that our financial stability should come at
the cost of such human tragedy, but I suspect as Mr Roberts and family
hurtled towards
I look forward to hearing from you with instructions on the next stage.
Yours sincerely,
Dr Alex Cox
============================= My psychiatrist said I was paranoid. Well, he didn't actually say it, but I Could tell he was thinking it" (Unknown) =============================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Chaser due to no respone after a day or two Mr Harris, Concerned that perhaps you have missed my first correspondence. Awaiting your reply.
Regards,
Dr Alex Cox
============================== My best friend has obsessive compulsive disorder. I invite her round when I can't be bothered tidying the house. ( I. Chuggalot ) ==============================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ And we have a bite !!! (must have taken 2 days to write this)
Dear Dr Alex Cox ,
Thanks for your prompt responses to me,and also for your interest to assist me to conclude the transaction .Pls this transaction should be treated with the urgency it required. Pls permit me for this enquiry.How many years are you ,and what do you do for aliving.?Pls all our correspondences must be kept confidential as iam also doing now.
Pls. i want a matured ,and an honest person who would religiously give me my share when the money is finally transfered into your bank account in a few days to come.Also, as the accounts manager of my bank,i ve an image to protect and to defend you as the next of kin to the late Mr Robert Cox.I need an honest person in this transaction.Pls,this transaction is real and not a scam.I will meet you in your country a day before the confirmation of the money into your account,when its transferred next week.if you re interested.
Meanwhile, this is the details of the transaction as fellows;However,my client Late Mr.Robert Cox and the entire family died in an air accident here in Nigeria in the year 2002 and ever since we received this sad news ,we have been expecting any member of the deceased family to come forward to the bank to declare as the next of kin ,but have not seen anybody since then.
Therefore, as the Personal accounts manager to Mr. Robert Cox,i have been defending his accounts legger with the management of the bank so that the bank may not declare the money as unclaimed deposit.infact, this is why i contacted you as you have the same surname with late Mr. Robert to act as the Next Of Kin so that we can work together to claim and transfer this money into your nominated bank account in any bank and Counttry of your wish.
Pls iam very honest to you and will also wants you to be honest and matured to me so that we can conclude with the banks processes next week.As a senior staff of the bank,i will guide you and the lawyer that may represent you in this transaction,since you can't be able to come to Nigeria for the process of the documents.I will provide some vital documents of the late customer to you and the lawyer that will represent us in the bank.Keep these highly confidential.
Pls if this explanation is ok to you,kindly call or reply me so that i can give you the text application which you will forward to my banks Managing Director as the Next Of Kin to the deceased.
Pls let me explain it to you further.When you forward the application for next of kin to my bank,then the bank will reply and request you to forward four vital documents which will identify and confirm you as the true next of kin to the decease.
These Four documents are as fellows; [1] Death Certificate of the Deceased [2] Sworn Affidavit of Claim as Next of kin [3] Letter of Probate Registry, awarding the estate to you [4] Deposit Certificate Of The Deceased
Infact,these documents shall be procured to you by the attorney which i will introduce to you when my bank request it from you.This attorney will process those vital documents for you and will represent you in our bank until the money is transferred in to your account.Both of us will take care of his legal services charge and the documentations fees.Infact,the attorney will represent you in this transaction and will expedite the bank to remitt the money into your account.He will continue to defend you legally in future even after the transfer.The attorney will take care of all the documentations on your behalf.Pls,my bank may invite you to Nigeria for the signing of some vital documents,but where you cannot be able to come the lawyer must represent you in the bank.i will be guiding you and the lawyer,since iam in the bank and also involved in the transaction.Pls keep all our correspondences confidential.
What to do now is that i will send to you the text of the application on request, which you will forward to my bank to introduce yourself as the next of kin to my deceased costomer [Mr Robert Cox].
Honestly, as the accounts manager of my bank ,i ve an image to protect and to defend your application as iam involved in the transaction.Pls for the security of this transaction,you should always contact me via this email; [email protected]
Pls.read through the details,digest it, and request me to send you the application which you will forward to my bank to claim as the Next Of Kin to Mr. Robert Cox [late].
All my internal arrengement towards the success of this transaction in your favour ve been concluded.I will also send to you the Fixed Deposit Certificate,and Death Certificates of late Mr.Robert Cox which you will forward to my bank to confirm you as the next of kin to the deceased.
i await your responses and please call my telephone no;+ 234 803 3345356 for more process details.Pls, do call me now on receipt of this mail.You may also send me your private phone numbers to call you.
Best Regards
Mr Eme Harris Accounts Manager Telephone;+ 234 803 3345356 |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
This next mail was bounced (he's already been barred from an account ... good work)
Dear Ima Hairyass
At last, a response. Interesting definition of urgency.
You have given me a lot of information, and I will address each point accordingly.
I grant you permission (as requested) to ask my age. I am 58 years old (nearing retirement age as previously intimated). And, as also previously intimated, I am a medical practitioner, in the field of Psychiatry (thanks for asking again). I think my most notable contribution to the field to date, was when I uncovered a correlation between Anorexia, and teenage rebellion. I realised that telling an anorexic person that they were thin only makes them worse, as they are determined to rebel against conventional wisdom. Now I tell all my anorexic patients that I think they're looking a little plump. Before you know it, they've got a season pass at McDonalds.
Honesty and confidentiality are cornerstones of my profession, so you should have no worries there. Of course, one or two of my colleagues have strayed from the path on occasion. You may have read about my esteemed (and now sadly infamous) colleague, Dr Richard Puller, who was imprisoned having been found guilty of indecent assault on a deaf / dumb patient of his. I understand his defence was that he believed the patient to have consented because she didn't say 'no'. His legal team believed they'd stumbled upon a neat legal loophole, however the prosecution pointed out that bestiality and necrophilia remain illegal, despite a similar potential defence.
As for the details of the transaction, I can confirm that I am on-board (unlike the unfortunate Robert Maxwell). I have, as you suggest, digested them. I'm now off to take a Rennie.
Awaiting your further instruction,
Dr Alex Cox
==================================
The hardest part of practising psychiatry
is when you meet a stupid, fat, ugly person
with low self esteem.
(Professor Innocence)
==================================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bounce message (so I resent my mail to his first address)
|
Hi. This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com. I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.
4.79.181.14 failed after I sent the message. Remote host said: 554 delivery error: dd This user doesn't have a yahoo.com account ([email protected]) [-5] - mta185.mail.mud.yahoo.com
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ And his recovery ...
Dear Dr Alex Cox,
Immense thanks for your email to me.infact,it sounds as if you re a lectureer to me.
I am glad of your age and would like our transaction to be handled maturedly.Pls my yahoo email Id had some technical faults and i will advice you to use my email address;[email protected] in your next correspondences to me as the alternative email box.
Pls without talking much,do you want me to email you the text application which you will send to my bank as the next of kin to the late Robert Cox.Pls if you re interested,make request from me and i will send the application to you.Pls,i will like you to call me on phone so that i can give you some guidelines and the next stage of the transaction.Call my telephone no;+234 803 3345356 for vital discusion.You may also send your phone numbers for me to call you.
Pls the application is with me now waiting for your request.
i will be waiting for your call and mail today.
Pls call me now as soon as you receive this mail.
Regards
Eme Harris Accounts Manager Union Bank Plc |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Lets see how far I can push this (the number I give him is for Samaritans) ...
Dearest Eme,
Rotten luck about the email address. How does that make you feel?
I know you said you didn't want to talk much, but often (I find) talking over ones troubles can help find the first step towards a way through. Take for example a former patient of mine, Bob Aglicker who presented at my clinic claiming to receive messages from extra terrestrial beings. At first I was inclined to believe that some non-human power was at work, as Bob seemed to be in possession of knowledge about me and my family that he could not otherwise have known. It wasn't until he described in detail the interior of my bedroom that I realised that Bob was fornicating with my wife. So I invoked the mental health act, and detained Bob indefinitely, citing dangerous delusional fantasies as the justification. I also prescribed him bromide which causes erectile dysfunction, and guaranteed that he would never again be able to commit such a filthy act. You see, talking over difficult feelings really does present solutions.
Please now send the required documents. I am currently on assignment, staying in a hotel, and so am not able to call your number (due to prohibitive international call tariffs). You can however call my secretary, who will page me. Due to my colourful past, and growing number of disgruntled patients, my secretary (Sam Aritans) is under strict instructions only to page me if the code phrase is used. It is very important that you do exactly as follows:
Call+44 8457 909090 and say the following (exactly) "I am Sue Sidal. I need Cox"
Sam will put you straight through.
I look forward to your call, and the text application.
Dr Alex Cox
======================
I'm sick of being Bulimic.
(Diana Spencer)
======================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bit confusing this, but the top part is the section I've to send to the bank, bottom section is his next response to me.
|
The Managing Director Union Bank PLC. Fax: +234 1 7593807. Email: [email protected]
Dear Sir, A Member of my family,Mr. Robert Cox, who was employed by
Phillips Oil Explorations Company in I have learned that Mr. Robert had an account (#0143355018) with your bank, and I am writing to confirm the status of that account. The account value as at the time of death is $3,000,000.00 [Three Million United States Dollars only] Therefore, please let me know the status of the account, and what steps I need to take in order to realize it. I will enlist the services of our family’s Nigerian attorney to prepare the necessary documents to execute my interest in your bank. We shall take care of the attorney’s legal fees and the documentation Charges. I am waiting for your urgent reply. Sincerely, Dr. Alex. Cox Adress; Phone; Fax;
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Dr. Alex., I got your mail and the content quite educative. Pls email the above application to my as stated and pls try to call me on phone as to in guide you more on the next stage. Pls am very busy today in the banking hall attending to our customers and i wish you call me.I may call you today if am less busy. I wish you goodluck and Gods guide Iam waiting Regards Eme harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I do as instructed, but this email
address has also been barred. Note, the fax number is that of the Ian Paisley's
Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) in
The Managing Director
Union Bank PLC.
Fax: +234 1 7593807.
Email: [email protected]
Dear Sir,
A Member of
my family,Mr. Robert Cox, who was employed by Phillips Oil Explorations
Company in
I have learned that Mr. Robert had an account (#0143355018) with your bank, and I am writing to confirm the status of that account. The account value as at the time of death is $3,000,000.00 [Three Million United States Dollars only]
Therefore, please let me know the status of the account, and what steps I need to take in order to realize it. I will enlist the services of our family’s Nigerian attorney to prepare the necessary documents to execute my interest in your bank.
We shall take care of the attorney’s legal fees and the documentation Charges.
I am waiting for your urgent reply.
Sincerely,
Dr. Alex. Cox
Adress; No Fixed Abode
Phone; 44 8457 909090 (secretary Sam Aritans)
Note: I will only be paged if the caller says: "I am Sue Sidal. I need Cox"
Fax;
44 28 90521813
Note: All fax correspondence should be marked "FAO: Department of Orange Knobheads"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bounce
|
Hi. This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com. I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.
4.79.181.13 failed after I sent the message. Remote host said: 554 delivery error: dd Sorry your message to [email protected] cannot be delivered. This account has been disabled or discontinued [#102]. - mta140.mail.mud.yahoo.com
|
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I inform the scammer (as if he doesn't know) ...
Dearest Ima whoreass ...
I am sorry to report that the bank's email system appears to be having difficulties (similar to yours earlier this week). My below message to them was sent back to me. Perhaps you would do me the kind favour of forwarding it to another (working) address, keeping me on copy for awareness.
I am slightly concerned by the prospect of bringing lawyers into our transaction, as I'm sad to say I have had difficult experiences with the legal profession in the past. I mentioned to you in a previous memo that I was the subject of a tricky little malpractice suit some time ago. It related to a patient (Drew Peacock) who was referred to me due to the fact that he was impotent. I determined that his symptoms were as a result of an underlying clinical depression, and decided to administer ECT. However, during one session, I (by accident) administered four times the normal current. It seems the added electrical load on his brain, permanently left him with the delusion that he was a beagle dog. Certainly, that would explain why he suddenly took up smoking, and began peeing on the legs of his care workers.
My legal team's handling of the fact that I had been drinking Pimms that morning, was inadequate to say the least. And so I was found guilty of professional misconduct.
I also had less than favourable relations with lawyers representing my ex wife (Anita), during our divorce proceedings. But more of that later.
I await your next advice, and phone call (through my secretary Sam). You could of course fax me on the number stated below, remembering of course to mark the fax: "FAO: Department of Orange Knobheads"
Later dude,
Dr Alex Cox
=======================
Sometimes I drink to forget.
But I never forget to drink
(Ivan Lee Wanbaw)
=======================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another quick recovery (for some reason, this email was sent four times) ...
|
Dear Alex, I ve gone through your mail.i ve also checked the secretary to the Managing Director and she told me that the email box had technical problem.She gave me the alternative email address as ; [email protected] Pls forward your application to the bank now.Pls call me now as am leaving the office for my house.Pls send the application now See you-------------time 6.20pm iam waiting
Regards Eme Harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Then a chaser from the impatient 419er
|
Dear Dr. Alex. Cox, Compliment of the day. Pls i want to know if you ve forwarded the text application to my bank's alternative email address given to you yesterday?.try to send the application now. Be expecting my phone call later today I will try to reach the secretary to the Managing Director of my bank to know if she ve received the application from your goodself today.? I await your responds Regards Eme Harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I send to the NEW bank email address ...
|
Please find below, important documents, originally sent to your former email address ...
Note: forwarded message attached. |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And inform our friend ...
Dearest Ima,
I have now sent the form to the updated email address at the bank. I would have performed this administrative task sooner, however, I have spent much of the day reading a novel new clinical study, published by the leading Russian venerial disease expert, Ivan Nastyitch. And what an interesting read it is, though sadly devoid of illustrations. He relays a slightly disturbing case of a patient whose left gonad had swollen so much, that he required a shopping trolley to transport it. Imagine the looks the poor man must have got when doing his weekly shopping at Lidl.
I must however, make haste now, as I am attending a dinner, provided by a drug company, hoping to entice me into endorsing their latest anti-psychotic remedy. I'll be sure to send you some if they prove efficacious.
Yours,
Dr Alex Cox
=========================
I'm tired of being narcoleptic.
(I. Emsley-Ping)
=========================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Who takes a break from business to tell me a little about himself ...
|
Dear Dr Alex, Iam glad to read your mail that you ve submited your application to the Union Bank.Pls lets wait for the responses from the management of the bank.Pls, if the bank responds to you ,do not hasitate to let me know. Dr Cox, i read books of NORMAN VINCENT PARLE at my leusure time. I will try to call you today. Congratulation Eme Harris Union Bank
|
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So, like any good psychiatrist, I probe further ...
Hello again Emily,
I assume you meant Norman Vincent Peale, author of various self-help, positive thinking manuals. I too have delved into his work. Pray tell, what was your view of his work "You Can if You Think You Can"?
Perhaps, for me, his defining contribution was "The Power of Positive Thinking". And by defining, I mean defined him as a happy-clappy, pseudo-scientific, self obsessed bellend. It really isn't a great philisophical breakthrough to claim that 'anything is possible with God'. Nor is it (in my view) particularly accurate. We in the psychiatric profession have a special word for these types of works. We call them "Pissflaps".
However, as scientists, we're always open to the views of others, so that we can test alternative theories. So please, I'd love for you to write an in-depth review of some of Peale's works.
Awaiting your insight,
Dr Alex Cox
=========================
My obsessive compulsive friend
has found her perfect job. She
tests light switches in a sterile lab.
(Alcott Crabs)
=========================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Response from the bank ...
|
|
UNION BANK PLC
128 BROAD STREET [ HEADQUARTERS.]
FAX: 234-1-759 3807
E-MAIL:[email protected]
LAGOS-NIGERIA
OUR REF:ubp/v018/014/8.vol.216/05. Date:14th. July, 2005
Attention:Dr Alex Cox
Dear Sir,
RE: ACCOUNT OF MR.ROBERT COX (DECEASED), ACCOUNT NO. 0143355018
We write to acknowledge receipt of your mail. We re equally aware that Mr.Robert Cox has an account with us and that the account has not been functional for over three years.
However, until this moment, there has been no official notification to us concerning the death of Mr Robert Cox, secondly, nobody has come up to claim his (deceased) estate which is worth about US$3,000,000.00)Three Million United States Dollars only. We therefore regard your claim as a welcome development.
Nevertheless, you need to present us with the following documents to authenticate your claims.
1. Death Certificate of the Deceased
2. Sworn Affidavit of Claim as Next of kin
3. Letter of Probate Registry, awarding the estate to you.
4. Deposit Certificate. ETC
Upon presentation of these documents, we shall proceed in processing the documents for the remittances of the money into your nominated bank accounts soon.
In addition to your Nigeria attorney, we shall be glad to receive the lawyer with an introductory letter from you.
We also have bank certified attorneys incase you need one. Note that any attorney we recommend to you, the bank will have nothing to do with your negotiations and his charges.
We anticipate your soonest response.
Thank you.
Yours faithfully.
Mrs. Edith Udoh Wilson [Secretary]
for;MANAGING DIRECTOR.
Union Bank Plc
|
|
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And my follow up ...
|
Dear Mrs Wilson, How refreshing to be dealing with a female banker. You know, it's unusual to find a woman who admits to being a banker (whereas there are more male bankers around than planets in the universe).
If I may say so though, your banking technique is a little formal and uptight. Perhaps I may suggest loosening up a little. I think you'll find banking far more satisfying if you do.
But back to the business in hand. It may take a short time for me to be able to round up the necessary documentation. In the meantime, please (as offered) put me in touch with an attorney. I am not overly trusting of UK lawyers, but I am sure that one from your beautiful country will nothing but honest and trustworthy.
Yours (if you play your cards right)
Dr Alex Cox
========================== If you don't find the answer at the bottom of the bottle, you are asking the wrong question (Colin Yerbluff) ========================== |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Seeking clarity (and reassurance) from Eme ...
|
Alas Eme, you are quite the little prophet. Below is what I've received from your banking colleagues, following my (our) application.
I now look to you for guidance. Call it (if you will) working your 'black magic'. If I understand correctly, we need to deal with TWO lawyers. I have asked the bank to appoint one, and if memory serves, you will take care of the other. This could all become somewhat complicated, so for avoidance of doubt, I'll refer to them hereinafter as Perry Mason, and Mattlock.
So, the bank (I assume) will shortly offer me the services of Perry Mason (wheelchair and all). You shall now put me in touch with Mattlock (give him a hotdog and he'll do anything). Mattlock it is (if I'm following the process correctly), who will take care of the paperwork.
It is prudent perhaps at this point, to give you some insight into my lack of trust of the legal profession. I have mentioned already the malpractice suit, but the main issue relates to the divorce proceedings with my ex-wife Anita (but let us call her 'Flora', as she spreads easily).
I mentioned already that Flora was doing the horizontal rumba with a former patient of mine. Well, being the respected, upright pillar that I am, I made attempts to reconcile with the woman. I even arranged counselling sessions with a colleague of mine (Dr Hugh G. Rection), versed in dealing with marital issues. After two or three sessions, I discovered to my horror, that Flora and Hugh were also doing the naked naughties.
Realising that I was flogging a dead ass, I began divorce proceedings. Later, I learnt, Flora took up with the lawyer representing her. So, my trusting nature deserted me around that time, and I find myself naturally suspicious of wives, patients, lawyers, and marriage guidance counsellors.
Please therefore, to ease my concerns, ensure that you appoint only a trustworthy barrister. I'd hate to be taken for a ride, in a way similar to Flora's legal experiences.
Yours,
Dr Alex H. Cox
========================================= I used to think being depressed was the worst thing that could happen to anyone, worse even than losing a limb. I didn't realise how selfish I was until I saw a depressed man with no legs. (Harry Bawsack) ========================================= |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Lawyer stuff ...
|
Dear Dr Alex Cox, I ve gone through your mail and the content understood. i will introduce the lawyer to you today or on monday.Expect a matured attorney from me. Pls all my internal work for the success of this transaction in your favour ve started and my colleagues are waiting for the lawyer that will represent you. i will contact you if there's need today. Regards
Eme Harris Union Bank
|
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Introducing the barrister ...
|
Dear Alex Cox, I got your mail and wish to advice you that iam just from the attorney's chambers and i ve discussed with the chambers.The lawyer has agreed to represent us fully in this transaction. The name of the lawyer and the chambers are; Barrister, Mike Ojo [SAN] Phone;+234 803 5754497
Pls you can call him now to give you the details of the transaction.He is an experienced,matured and known lawyer in Nigeria.He was a registered attorney with my bank in estate transfers. Pls be honest to me when the money enters your accopunt soon as this is my life project.Call him now or he will call you on monday 18th July 05. Pls try to call me now Iam waiting Eme Harris Union Bank
|
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Keeping the ball rolling ...
Hi Elmo,
Apologies for delay in response, I took rather poorly over the weekend, and was unable to muster the strength to check my email.
My recovery is however aided by the excellent news that you've procured the services of a trustworthy lawyer. As previously stated, and for the avoidance of doubt, Mike Ojo will be referred to hereafter as Mattlock.
I note your insistence that I call you by phone, however, as I have already told you, this is not possible due to prohibitive international call tariffs at my hotel. I shall ignore any future requests. However, you have (and have presumably passed on to Mattlock) contact details for me. I'd also suggest that Mattlock contacts me by email, as clearly this is our preferred medium.
Awaiting further instruction ...
Doctor Alex Holden Cox
========================
My late wife accused me
of being psychotic.
(Luke Atma Bareass)
========================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Eme provides certificates and an email address for the lawyer. We have to give the chap credit for the quality of the fake certificates (not included here) ...
|
Dear Alex Cox,
Find attached two certificates (Deposit Certificate of the fund and Death Certificate of Robert Cox) to back up our claim.
The lawyer said he contacted you today and a lady received the phone call to say that it is a wrong number. Contact the attorney Mr. Mike Ojo now. His email address is [email protected]. You can contact him also by phone in the number I gave you.
Send the documents to the attorney when you get him and get back to me. Please keep these documents highly confidential.
I wait your response. Please try to call me.
Best regards, Eme Harris. |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I forward the docs to Mattlock ...
|
Greetings Mr Ojo (hereinafter known as Mattlock),
(cc Eme ... for info)
Our mutual friend (Eme Horseass) has instructed that I contact you with necessary documents for our little transaction. Please find the same attached herein.
I understand you tried (unsuccessfully) to call yesterday. You definitely have the correct number (+44 8457 909090). My secretary (Sam) was having something of an off day yesterday (something to do with PMT). She did report that she'd told someone that they had the wrong number. I think (if I understood her hormonal rantings correctly), that it was because the caller did not use the code phrase. You MUST when you call say the following (exactly):
"I am Sue Sidal, I need Cox"
Perhaps though to protect you from any further pre-menstrual abuse (she has another 3 days until jam week), we should communicate by email. My access is consistent, as I'm very often online searching for novel adult material.
Bye for now Mattlock ..
Dr Alex Cox
============================== I can't be bothered making up a quote as you probably don't read them anyway. (Shona Pornflick) ============================= |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Rather confusing email from Eme, as he SHOULD know I got the docs ...
|
Dear Cox I got your mail Pls confirm the rec eipt of the Deposit and Death Certificates i sent to you yesterday.Try your best to reach the lawyer often and let me know your decision with him. Iam waiting Eme Harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Explain yourself man ...
Dearest Ime Hammered,
I'm guessing you've been smoking some potent substance. If you got my email (as you say) then you know that I
1) Received the docs (as they were attached to said mail)
2) Contacted Mattlock (as you were on copy of the mail to him)
Remember Ime, drugs are bad. Sure, they seem like a good idea at the time, but my clinics are bursting at the seams with unforunates who have fallen foul of the strong pull of drugs. But there is hope. The quicker you seek help, the more chance we (in the profession) have of curing the addiction. In the words of Zammo et al, 'just say no'.
Next instruction please ...
==========================
Sure, making up quotes was fun at
first, but I've better things to do with
my time now.
(R Slater [head first])
=========================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another attempt to cause offence at the DUP offices ...
Hello Eme,
Looking for a small favour from you. I'd like to have a paper copy of the documents you sent, but the hotel's printer is not working. Could you please fax them to me at the number I gave you (reminder below).
Fax Number: +44 28 90521813
Write on Fax: "FAO: Department of Orange Knobheads"
Many thanks,
Dr Alex Cox
==============================
My doctor said I was crazy. I said
I wanted a second opinion. He said
'OK, you're a fartknocker too'
(B. Eavis)
=============================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The pace is beginning to build ...
|
Dear Cox, I got your mail and wish to advice you further to expedite the attorney to come to my bank to investigate the late Mr Robert Cox legger and file with the premier bank.Pls give the lawyer the name of the deceased,account numbers ,amount and bank.Tell the lawyer that i introduced you to him.But please,call the attorney always for more vital discusion and advices ok. Contact him today and instruct the chambers to come for an investigation to the bank early tomorrow.Tell them to get back to you with their findings and the next stage to follow. Call the attorney on phone numbers and address as follows; Barrister, Mike Ojo Phone;+ 234 803 5754497 E-Mail; [email protected] Lagos -Nigeria. Pls try to advice the law chambers to come to our bank [Premier] tomorrow for their investigation.Meanwhile, i will be waiting for them in the office early tomorrow.It's the responsibility of my department to receive them tomorrow..Pls call to inform me the development now. Iam waiting Regards Eme Harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Note to Mattlock ...
Hello again Mattlock ...
As advised by Eme (see below), can you, armed with the vital documents I sent to you earlier, go to Eme's bank. I trust you know your way there. If not, yahoo maps are to be recommended as wonderfully accurate guides.
As I will be unavailable in around 30 mins, I'd suggest contacting Eme directly if you need further clarification. Please copy me on any correspondence between you and Eme, for my records.
Doctor Alex Cox
===============================
Insert quote (or whatever else you like) here
(Major Stiffy)
===============================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Eme's not biting on the fax thing ...
|
Dear Cox, I ve already sent the original documents to the bank's Strong Room and the key is with the Managing Director of my bank.Pls you may try to copy it from there.Pls its a sensitive document and until the opportunity comes again.Pls copy it from there as its safer. Iam busy in the banking hall now.You can call me later Iam waiting Eme Harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Slightly frustrated, the good doctor's Greenock roots show through here ...
Sniff sniff sniff ... what IS that??
Oh, it's bullshit.
If the original is in the strong room, just print the one you have on your own machine (it will be in your SENT MAIL), and fax that to me.
This COULD be a deal breaker. So get your finger oot yer ring, and get it over here, pronto.
Regards,
Dr Alex Cox
=====================
Blah blah blah blah blah
(Yer Maw)
=====================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Keeping it breezy ...
Good morning Eme,
Trusting that Mattlock got in touch with you to arrange a meeting? How did the meeting go? And any luck with the fax? My secretary has not yet let me know if it has arrived.
Looking forward to the next stage. Excitement is reaching volcanic proportions here. Do you feel it too?
Later,
Dr Alex Cox
==============================
Isn't it fortunate that bottle corks and
corkscrews were invented on exactly
the same day. How useless would
each have been without the other.
(Unknown)
==============================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I feel a little sorry for the poor Samaritan who took this call ...
|
Dear Cox, I received your mail and wish to tell you that the lawyer called your phone and your so called secretary said theres no names like Sue Sidal or Cox. Pls try to contact the lawyer to advice him for the investigation of the deceased account with my bank---------Pls be serious in the bdeal. contact the lawyer on mail for anything you need. But Pls copy fron the one i sent to you ok. I am waiting Regards Eme harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Repairing the damage ...
Dearest Eme,
OK, I can only apologise for Sam's behaviour. I even told her to expect a call from Mike, but the PMT must be even worse than usual. I'll have a word with her about her telephone manner.
I'll contact the lawyer (again) ... though not sure what more I can add, other than what I've already sent him.
Yours, seriously
Dr Alex Cox
=========================
Why do they call it taking a dump
and not leaving a dump?
(B. Eavis)
=========================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Forwarding instructions to the lawyer (again) ...
Hello again Mattlock,
I have heard nothing from you. Please again find instructions to take our transaction forward, and advise when you've completed the investigations.
Awaiting word ...
Dr Alex Cox
==========================
Opinions are like farts. We only like
to hear our own.
(Unknown)
==========================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Eme has finally lost his temper, and suspects my intentions are not serious ...
|
Dear Dr Cox, Pls phone the lawyer to direct him to come for an investigation to my bank today.Pls give him a call now Pls you re pursuing a transaction of this magnitude and it seems you re not serious.Pls use your brain in this business and not joking.Let me see your seriousness by contacting the lawyer on phone and mail. Let me know your effort Yet can't you call me on phone?. I ve called you several times without getting you on line.Pls call me and the lawyer today ok. Iam waiting Regards Eme Harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I point out the inconsistencies which are beginning to creep in ...
Dearest Eme,
I'm not sure what you mean. I have contacted the lawyer on three occasions by email. I have had no reply from him on any of these occasions. I think perhaps Mattlock is less to be trusted than you imagined. Is it possible that he's hatching some cunning plot to rob us of our money.
In terms of contacting you and the lawyer by phone, I have explained (at least twice) that international call tariffs at my hotel are ridiculous, and I cannot therefore afford to call. It's interesting that YOU have tried calling me several times. Previously you said that you had not called, but that the LAWYER had called. I am beginning to worry that YOU are not treating this case seriously. Considering the amount of money at stake here, I'd suggest bucking up your ideas quick smart.
In this increasingly technical age, 64% of all transactions are carried out entirely using email and internet access. I'd suggest, we carry our business forward in this way, given your difficulties with my secretary.
Incidentally, should we be concerned that the bank have made no further contact? I hope their new email address hasn't also been revoked. Technology does carry with it some frustractions.
How's the Norman Vincent Peale book review coming along? I can't wait to read your insightful account of his work.
Today I am performing a book signing for my latest paper entitled "The Tiffany Scott Diaries". Have you heard of my work?
Let's keep it rolling here Eme ... if you don't hear anything from Mattlock in the next while, I'd suggest calling him as I'm not convinced his services are entriely satisfactory.
Talk soon me ol' bucket ...
Dr Alex Cox
================================
I put my obsessve compulsive friend in a
room full of hot taps. I haven't seen her since
(Ivan Trent Boyce)
===============================
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Trying my luck with the female banker ...
|
Dearest Edith, The paperwork is taking a little longer than I'd hoped, due to a rather foolish associate of mine, and some dumbass lawyer. Perhaps therefore I might take some time out to find out a little more about you. I am a single (sometimes lonely) doctor, and have often fancied a trip to Nigeria. If you are also single (I know your name is Mrs, but perhaps you are divorced or sadly widowed), then maybe you could show me around your beautiful part of the world. I am fully toilet trained, and my table manners are adequate. I think we might just hit it off.
How about sending me a picture of yourself, the dirtier the better.
Looking forward to hearing from you ..
Yours,
Dr Alex Cox |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
At last, the lawyer has contacted me ...
|
Attn: Dr. Alex Cox,
I will prefer a situation where you call me on my direct telephone +234 803 575 4497 so that we can discuss person to person. I shall await your call.
Yours truely, Barrister Mike Ojo Attorney at Law. |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Stalling, as I have a little something planned but need time to bring it together ...
|
Hello Mattlock, Ok, since my calling you is so important, I'll try. I cannot call today though as I'm rushing out to a clinic, then straight onto a flight for a conference in Ireland. I should be able to call tomorrow, probably in the afternoon.
I know time is tight, and I hope this is soon enough, but it is unavoidable. I may have a chance to email you whilst in Ireland. I'm only away for a short time, so even if I cannot mail you there, I'll be in touch over the weekend.
Talk soon ...
Dr A Cox |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Seems Eme has chilled a little since his last memo ...
|
Dear Cox, I got your mail and i will use this opportunity to ask the lawyer whats holding him not to reply you ok.Infact, he must respond to your mails today. I will give him a call to that effect I ve prepared all the legger and files concerning the deceased waiting for them [lawyers] Pls let me know if they contacts you Iam waiting Regards Eme Harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have grown tired of the game, so I write a naughty little program which will force the scammers machine to shut down immediately, and again each time he reboots. The file is called BankAccount.TIF.bat (but is not included below) ...
|
Good morning gentlemen ...
I am sorry, but I am not going to be able to be contacted for the next 4 days. I have to fly to the US at short notice.
To show you I am serious about our transaction, I am attaching details of my bank account. This is so that if you are able to get the paperwork together, you can progress the case while I am away.
Pls do not share this information with anyone, only use it for the transaction. I have saved the image as a TIF file, I hope that you are able to view this.
I will call you on my return from the US.
Sorry for any inconvenience ..
Doctor Alex Cox
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Looks like Eme has read my note, but not opened the file ... Dear Cox, I just read your mail and wish to advice you that the lawyer and his chambers staff came to our bank yesterday for investigation and inquiry on the deceased bank account legger and files with my department in the bank..Infact, their chambers took us unaware on their investigations and they ve concluded their inquiries yesterday. According to the lawyer,their delay was because of lots of proceedings they had in the court and as they ve cleared their assignment in the high court now ,they can be able to take care of your case. Pls they ve concluded the investigation yesterday and i hope they will get in touch to you with their findings later today. Pls the lawyer said that if you re serious and interested in the transaction,you must call the chambers for a guide.Call the lawyer to know their findings today. You can also call me from US I am waiting Regards Eme Harris Union Bank
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ |
So I try again ...
Dear Eme,
I am logged on from the airport, waiting for my flight. I will try to call from the US.
Pls, check the bank account details I sent to you, to ensure the information is OK. I can send you more details if you need me to.
The details are attached again here ...
Regards,
Dr Alex Cox
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Dammit ... my home made virus has only taken the scammer out for a short time. He's back ...
|
Dear Cox, I got your mail and wish to advice you that the account information is not good and clear. You can open it yourself now. Send it surface mail to me and i can keep it private ok. Try to be calling me and the lawyer on phone often. Remember that the lawyer wil be going to the bank next for processing the transfer document in your favour. I want to hear from you while in the US ok. I am waiting Regards Eme Harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And so is our lawyer friend. FINALLY the request for money (normally the request for money or bank details happens pretty quickly ...
|
Attn: Dr Alex Cox We have successfully held a meeting with the bank yesterday concerning your estate claim. To be very candid, we re impressed. We hereby agree to represent your interest on this matter until the conclusion of the transaction.
Our fee is normally based on percentages. We charge 1% of the estate value, which in this instance is a total of $30,000.00 (Thirty thousand US Dollars) only, as his statement of account showed Three million United States Dollars only.
However, due to the confidence we have on our firm, and not only the willingness but also our capability to satisfy our clients, we accept payment terms as we agree with our clients.
We are to execute the following documents on your behalf:
* Affidavit of claim (to be sworn on your behalf) in the law court.
* Probate registry certificate transferring the estate to you (Dr Alex Cox)
In this regard, we need the following from you;
A) $2,500 to procure these documents listed above from the above appropriate authorities.
B) $2,500 part of our legal fee. You will pay the balance ($25,000) as soon as you confirm the money in your account.
C) Any form of identification from you (depends on your country)
D) Copy of deposit certificate of late Mr Robert Cox issued to him by Union Bank Of Nig. Plc.
E) Copy of the death certificate of late Mr Robert Cox.
F) Your account information where you want the money transferred after we have made submissions and legally sign the fund for transfer.
YOU ARE TO SEND TO US $5,000 AND THE DOCUMENTS LISTED ABOVE FOR US TO COMMENCE. These documents especially the deposit certificate and death certificate, forms the locus standi for your legal representation.
Our job includes securing all necessary documents and forwarding them to the authorities, obtaining the estate transfer certificate in your favour from the probate registry and also to ensure that your payment is sent to any nominated account information that you may provide.
Try and send the money to us by Western Union or money gram money transfer with the information stated below.
NAME: ANTHONY EGBULE ADDRESS: LAGOS NIGERIA TEST QUESTION: FUND TO ANSWER: MIKE OJO
If we receive the $5,000 today with the death and deposit certificates, we give you 100% assurance and guarantee that you will confirm the $3million on Tuesday or Wednesday morning in the bank account you will norminate. Do not worry about the TAX, the official and legal documents supporting your claim which accompanies the money into your account takes care of that.
Send the death and deposit certificates by email attachement. YOu can send straight to the bank, attention Barrister MIKE OJO.
Call me immediately you receive this mail for more details. We anticipate your soonest response.
Yours truly, Barr. Mike Ojo (SAN). Tel: +234-803-5754497 E-mail: [email protected] Lagos-Nigeria. |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I haven't replied for several days, and Eme is getting a little impatient ...
|
Dear Dr Cox Copliment of the week and how re you enjoying US? I want to know your reaction to the investigation mail the lawyer said he sent to you.He said ,he's yet to receive your responds as to enable the chambers concludes their assignment with the Union Bank.You promised to call me while in US,and am waiting. I hope to hear from you. Iam waiting
Eme Harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As is Mattlock ...
|
Attn; Dr. Alex Cox
Dear Sir, We re waiting for those documents from you,as the demanded for it this week.however, we hope to receive them from you to enable our firm to conclude the estate transfer this week. we re waiting for your reply. Thank You barrister,Mike Ojo [SAN] Attorney at law |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I get back in touch with Eme ...
Copliments to you too my banker friend.
Apologies for not getting back to you sooner. And, no, sadly my trip to the US, so far, has been far from enjoyable. You see, I was staying in a small, ass-backwards town called Butt, Indiana. And now I know how it achieved its name. I have been unable to write or phone, as the entire communication network of the town was down for a full 5 days, due to some computer virus which infected the telephone exchange.
My stay wasn't entirely wasted though. In the US, practitioners in psychiatry (such as myself) charge ridiculously inflated prices, just to sit and listen to some whiney neurotic yank, spouting about how seeing her parents make out when she was four, has left her emotionally scarred. I struck double lucky. I had a session with a woman, who to shut out some emotional demon, her personality has split into two distinct characters (Multiple Personality Disorder). I began the session (insisting on paymeny up front) speaking with Mary-Jo, but about half an hour into the therapy, the other character (Billy-Lee) became manifest. The two personalities (aparently) have no recollection of the others' actions, so I charged her another full fee. In total, for the hour's 'work', I scammed $1,100 from the patient. God bless America.
I have now extended my trip, and have flown over to San Francisco for a little R&R. The telecoms here appear to be intact, so I am now able to concentrate on the business at hand. I have had a couple of notes from Mattlock, and I'm going to respond to him now, before taking a stroll in Fisherman's Wharf, and perhaps indulging in a Lobster salad. I'll copy you on my note to Mattlock, for your information.
Yours, from SF,
Dr Alex Cox
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And with Mattlock. I'll play along for a few more days, and try in the meantime to come up with a more effective way to scupper his activities ...
Greetings Mattlock,
Not sure if you'll have spoken with Eme, but I've had something of a 'mare this past few days, hence my lack of contact with you (Eme will explain all if you speak with him).
I shall be working to meet the terms of your previous email over the next couple of days, and so the money should be with you by the end of the week. I'm still in the US (now in San Francisco), so it may prove a little trickier than if I were back home, but I'm sure I'll be able to come accross with the goodies.
Have a nice day ...
Dr Alex Cox
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have written a much more effective virus, and sent it to Mattlock, with Eme on copy. Surely this will be the end of our correspondence ...
|
Hello Mr Ojo, It is early in the morning here, but I have been able to make some calls, and process the money gram.
Details of the money gram are in the attached file MoneyGram.TIF. This has all the details you will need.
Please get back to me when you have seen the details in the file.
Regards,
Dr Alex Cox |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
But no ... the pesky kid just won't lie down ...
|
Dear Cox, I just received your mail. Pls i will reconfirm the payment from the lawyer [Barr.Mike Ojo] Try to send the payment control numbers to me now. I am waiting to receive the payment control numbers from you Let me reconfirm the payment my self now i will get back to you after confirmation. Iam waiting Regards Eme harris |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Perhaps he has not opened the file, so I prompt him again ...
Hello Eme,
Payment control numbers are in the file I sent to you (MoneyGram.TIF).
Regards,
Dr Alex Cox
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Post Script
Finally, after 3 weeks, and more than 50 emails, the fun is over. I'd grown bored with Eme, and so decided to put my limited techy skills to questionable use. The first file I sent him was less effective, and he recovered after just a short time. However, the second attempt should, in effect, make his computer unusable as it writes harmful data to his registry settings, forcing his machine to shut down every time it reboots (requests to see the file will be ignored). While this may seem a bit radical, keep in mind that the scammer's intention is to steal money from more naive internet users. Think of it, if you will, as a crusade to protect the innocent.
So with one scammer out of business at least for a while, the good doctor awaits his next adventure ...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++