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TITLE: Busted!
SCAMMER NAME: Ony Obo
SCAMMER LOCATION: Lagos, Nigeria
SCAMBAITER: Shiver Metimbers


For a slight change, we have a scammer trying to ply his trade via a different routine. This time it's a repentant dying man, wanting to distribute his millions to charity. Of course, were someone to reply to this email wanting to help, the victim would have course pay fictitious "fees" to a fake barrister that the scammer would hire to handle the cash transfer.

We've had carvings and artwork from scammers on quite a few occasions now, and I think it's time to move on to other ways to cause misery for these thieves, so for my final attempt at getting artwork out of a scammer I'll try for something a little different.

 

It all starts way back near the end of July 2006...

 

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Date: July 23rd 2006
Subject: HELP ME TO SPREAD GOODNESS

Hello my friend,

Hope this day finds you well?, I am Ony Obo a merchant in Nigeria, I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer, It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.

I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous,I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world.

Now that God is about to call me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my souL. I have decided to give also to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Algeria, Sudan, Europe and Kenya. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I
cannot do this myself anymore.

I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them. I will want you to help me collect my last deposit and dispatched it to charity organizations which I deposited in security/finance house abroad,

which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of (Twelve Million Eight Hundred Thousand U.S dollars) I have set aside 25% for you, then 5% for any expenses incured.

If you are interested, please send your prompt reply to my private email address below which you will have to reply to if you will be kind enough to assist;
Email: bigiXXX@yahoo.co.uk

God bless you

Ony Obo

Things to note:

This guy is a grade 'A' P.O.S. Along with this email - which scambaiters have seen many dozens of times in many variations - he sent quite disturbing photographs of a poor guy obviously at death's door in a hospital bed. The images are too depressing and private to publish here, and also, they are not of the scammer himself (obviously). Many scambaiters will be familiar with the photographs as they have been sent by many hundreds of scammers all over the Internet. We now know who the real patient is, and sadly he passed away in May of 2005. This hasn't of course stopped this particular lowlife from spreading his photographs over the net to try to shock people into helping him.

Unfortunately the real patient's wife has became aware that scammers have been passing her husband's photographs all over the Internet, and in fact she contacted 419eater.com about it. One can only imagine the pain and suffering this is causing her. Not only does she have to cope with the loss of her husband, but also the fact that thousands of scammers out there are passing her husband's photos all over the Internet in an attempt to scam people.

Time to teach this worm a lesson.

 

NOTE: Some names have been changed to protect this in-progress scambait, mainly the scammer's real name.

 

 

OK. On with the old faithful "art company" introduction.

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Dear Mr. Obo,

Thank you very much for your very interesting email, however I am afraid that I will be unable to help you at this time. These next three months are by far the busiest and most profitable period for my company and I cannot give any time to anything other than finding new artwork for our galleries especially wooden carvings.

You may already know of me since it was you that contacted me. My name is Brian Anthony and I am the director of Brian Anthony Fine Arts & Artist Scholarships. We are dealers in fine art and ethnic art from all over the world. We run eight art galleries and two scholarship centres here in the UK. We also offer scholarship donations to aid up and coming new artists who may otherwise not have the financial means to be able to produce or improve upon their work. Our scholarship payments range from between $25,000 and $150,000 depending on the potential of the artist.

I am sorry but I am unable to enter into your business proposition at this time, however if you have any contacts in your part of the world who may be artists that you think may benefit from our financial help then I would be very interested to be put in touch with them. We are especially very keen on promoting new artists with experience in wood carving and will be happy to offer a very generous $25,000 to $150,000 scholarship package to young or old artists with good potential who may benefit from our help.

You may see some of our latest recipients and awards on our website (just click on the "visit this page" link on our homepage).

If you know of an artist who could benefit from our financial help and who would be prepared to produce work for us to sell or promote then please do let me know.

Again I am sorry that I am unable to help with your proposition at this time but I wish you luck in finding somebody to help you.

Sincerely,

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

Will this poor dying cancer victim be able to do some work for me before he kisses goodbye to this mortal world - surely not?

 

 

Well I thought my initial reply had put Obo off as he didn't reply for nearly two weeks...

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: I WOULD ACCEPT YOUR

mr anthony,

it give me great pleasure to discover you, since this had being my unending quest. sir, i do request your sponsorship in my artistic career. (What "career"? You're going to be dead in a few weeks man!) i own an art studio here in nigeria, and would be glad should your count me worthy of your donation

thanks

ony Obo.

Strange? He didn't mention his art studio in his first email. Still, if you're dying of cancer and only have weeks to live I suppose mundane things like that can slip your mind easily. Obo got back to me a little too late though...

 

 

I have decided for this particular artwork that I would like the scammer to carve a representation of my own head! Can a dying man fulfil my request?

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Dear Mr. Obo,

I am sorry but your reply has come quite late and we have nearly completed our full quota of sponsorships & donations for this year. Presently the only artists that we are seeking are those who have the ability to carve busts (heads). I have attached some examples to show you what I mean.

If you do have the ability to produce such carvings to our specifications then I would indeed be interested in hearing from you, otherwise I do apologise but we have no other opportunities until later on in the year.

Just for your information I have included information on our programme:


HOW OUR DONATION/SCHOLARSHIP PROCEDURE WORKS:

1. Before we could make any kind of monetary payment to any artist we would of course require proof of your abilities. We do not ask artists to send in prepared samples of their work because of course there is no way for our foundation to know if the carving is indeed the artists own work, therefore we would require you to provide a brand new sample for us to evaluate your abilities.

2. My company will submit to you (by email attachment) a sample photograph or photographs of an item that we would wish you to carve and submit to us. You would then be required to carve a representation of the image we send to you. Once your have completed the work it is to be sent to us for evaluation and then a donation amount would be awarded according to your skill or potential. Our donation payments range from between a minimum of $25,000 up to $150,000.

3. On receipt of a satisfactory piece of artwork my four board members will then gauge the quality and therefore the size of the donation/scholarship amount to send to you. The payment is sent by whatever means suits you best and is made usually within 24 hours of receiving your work.

IMPORTANT: The artwork will have to be shipped to us for evaluation. Please note that no payments whatsoever can be given in advance of receiving the artwork. It is very important that you understand this completely. Your shipping charges WILL be refunded in full however they will only be refunded once we receive the sample. Please do not ask us to supply any payment in advance of receiving the artwork because your request will be refused.

Kind regards,

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

I hope Obo isn't too ill to reply.

 

 

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: I WOULD ACCEPT YOUR TERMS

Mr Brian,

i am very mush pleased with ur sample, at this stage i would want you to send me the particular sample you want from me. and also send along with its details.

ony Obo.

best regards

Phew!

 

 

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Dear Mr. Obo,

[Just a quick note here to let readers know that at this point I set up a slightly complicated reason for the images I attached. Obviously giving scammers any of your real detail (including as I did, my photograph!) is definitely not recommended, however to get this scammer to carve my own head I had to give him photos of myself. I gave Obo a cover story to put him off the scent as to who the photo was actually of]

To qualify for our sponsorship/donation payment you must recreate Mr. xxxxx's head in the wood of your choice to the best of your abilities. Please note the following qualification rules:

1. The carving can be any size you choose but must be a MINIMUM of 10 inches along the longest HEIGHT. Obviously you will need to take into consideration the weight of the carving so that the shipping cost is not to great for you, however, remember that we will of course reimburse your shipping costs in full on receipt of the artwork. You may make your carving larger than the minimum height if you wish but no larger than 18 inches along the longest HEIGHT.

2. The carving can be in any type of wood that you choose, but must NOT be painted. Obviously the quality of the wood, and if possible a polished smooth finish will increase the chances of your donation payment being larger. Hard woods such as ebony, mahogany, walnut or cherry would be preferable woods to use however we are happy to leave the choice of wood up to the expertise of the artist. Attention to detail is important and will help my board members to judge the skill of the artists.


NOTE: An exact duplicate of the sample is not required as we are presently uncertain of your skills, however the closer your work is to the supplied sample then the higher the donation payment is likely to be.

You will need to ship the completed sample to us by a courier such as FedEx, DHL or similar fast courier. You may choose a slower and cheaper postal system if you wish to, but please bear in mind that of course the longer the sample takes to arrive with us then the longer it will take for your payment to be calculated. All your shipping fees will be refunded in full but your fees will only be refunded AFTER we receive the completed sample. It is not our company policy to pay for work that we have not yet received.

On receipt of satisfactory artwork we will then judge the skill level of the artist submission and will reward you with a monetary donation depending on the quality of your work As mentioned previously, the minimum donation amount per artist is $25,000 but this can rise up to $150,000 per artist. Note that my board member will usually pay higher amounts for carvings which have obviously taken great skill and time to produce. Donation payment are usually given within 24 hours of us receiving the sample artwork.

Should your artist be some skill we would then like to make arrangements to have some more work produced by you after we have received your sample. If this is the case we will of course pay your full fees in advance. As a guideline for good quality carvings we tend to pay between $2,000 - $15,000 per item depending on the subject matter and/or size, so as you can see if your work is of sufficient quality you could benefit greatly from our partnership.

Kind regards,

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

[Photos attached]

 

 

A week after sending the photos, Obo gets back to me with good news.

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: please do reply quickly to this mail

mr Brian,

i am already at work with the carving of the burst head of mr peter lord , i am at present worried of the shipping address, so , i wish that you mail me the shipping address and your phone number. for my easy conveyance and communication.

best regards

ony Obo.

 

 

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Dear Mr. Obo,

Thank you for your email.

My contact telephone number is +44 8707 6xxxxx

The shipping address (our head office) is below also. Please ensure that you advice me of the date you will be shipping the sample carving so that I may ensure myself and my board members will be ready to expect it.

Sincerely,

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

[Anonymous postal address attached]

 

 

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: Re: please do reply quickly to this mail

mr. Brian

am realy taking my time out to give you the very best of my expertise, i would be sending the sample in two weeks from now, reason being that for me to successfully send it i need to undergo some legal procedure from the ART AND ANTIQUITIES COMMISSION ,in my country so that i wont be aprehended at the course of sending it over to you. i do warmly apoligise for any inconviniencies that i might have course you. i realy rely doing business with you.

thanks for your cooporation.

ony Obo.

 

 

A week later, Obo gets in touch.

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: Re: please do reply quickly to this mail

Goodday, need intimate you on the fact that i will be sending the burst head by nest week , cos of the of the legal process that i afformentioned in my previuos mail to you. i now need the shipping address of you secretary to enable me send the work. thank you. (That would be the address I already gave you a week ago, dumbass.)

ony Obo

 

 

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Dear Mr. Ony,

Thank you for your email and I am glad to learn that the carving will be ready soon. I have repeated the address for you below, however please mark the package for the attention of my secretary Miss Lindsey Francis. I shall not be in the office next week however Miss Francis will notify me immediately that your work arrives and I shall then contact you the same day.

Please address the package exactly as follows:

[Anonymous shipping address]

VERY IMPORTANT: Please ensure the carving is carefully packaged and protected from damage. We can not give out any awards for damaged artwork.

Thank you again for your message and please notify me of any tracking numbers etc. once the item has been shipped.

Sincerely,

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

 

 

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: completed work

dear mr anthony,

is nice to hear from you once again, i am done with the work but i am not yet done with my countrys laws regarding exportation of artwork from the country, but i am persuaded that i will be done on saturday but our poster service dose not work on that day , hence i will send it over without fail on tuesday,the reason for this delay, is the fact that many people uses this means to trafic hard drugs, and if should be hot with them, it my land me in big trouble , please do understand and bear with me , cos i do not want any thing that will wrong our transactions. am sorry for any inconvinience,

least i forget , i will be sending my work via NIPOST, my country national courier service.this is to asertain the fact that it is pure and clean.

thanks for your understanding,

ony Obo

Obo's health seems to be holding up well, and not a single complaint. What a brave man.

 

 

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Dear Mr. Obo,

Thank you for your email and your confirmation of shipping the item. I shall of course notify you immediately that your package arrives.

One question that I forgot to ask you previously. Can you recall the height of the completed carving? It is not important if you do not recall.

When your carving arrives it will be immediately inspected and providing there is no damage I will contact you to explain your payment amount and any other future work you may wish to do for us. If you are interested we also have a yearly convention where many of our members gather together to share information, help and ideas for work. Everyone is welcome and I will post you all the relevant information about that shortly.

Sincerely,

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

 

 

A couple of weeks go by with no sign of the carving, along with several, "has it arrived yet" emails from Obo. Finally though, the carving does arrive and it's a pretty good job:

A big plus mark for Obo is that his artist (you didn't really think he carved this himself did you?!) made me look thinner, so full marks for that one!

 

 

I'll give Obo the good news.

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Dear Mr. Obo,

I am writing to you to confirm that my secretary has telephoned my to let me know that your package has now been received. I shall be returning to my office later this evening to inspect the work and I shall be in touch with you as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

 

 

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: confirmation

Brian Anthony

i wond be glad should you intimate me the donation procedures.

thanks

Ony

 

 

There's a problem (regular readers will know, there's always a problem with me!). I make out that I've previously sent Obo a couple of unanswered emails.

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Dear Mr. Obo,

I have written to you twice over the last couple of days but have not had a reply to my questions. I shall repeat them here once more.

As I told you some days ago, I can confirm that I have received your sample carving, and it has now been inspected by my board members. We have however noticed a small problem, and before we decide top authorise your payment we need to knew the answer to the following questions:

1. Were you the person responsible for packaging the sample?
2. Was the packaged sample stored for any long period of time before shipping?
3. Was the packaged sample left unattended for any long period of time?

Please get back to me as soon as possible with your reply.

Sincerely,

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

 

 

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: Re: confirmation

mr. Brian

1. i took the sample work to the poster service, they did the packaging.
2.it was not stored for long before shipping.
3.it was not left unattended.

i did the work with a very durable wood with the capacity of more than 30yrs life span . it is called IRON WOOD.

 

 

Now for the really bad news!

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Dear Mr. Obo,

I am surprised by your replies because I must be truthful with you and tell you that I was very shocked when I opened your package. Before I even opened the box I was suspicious that something was wrong. In the bottom corner there was a small hole about 3 inches wide which looked like it had been chewed open. On opening the package I was given a great shock as some kind of rodent jumped out and nearly had my eye out, the little bastard. My personal assistant Mr. Ernest Crevis acted quickly and managed to capture the rodent with his fireman's helmet.

As you can see by the attached image, something very wrong has happened to the carving. I was greatly impressed by the original photographs that you sent to me on August 9th however the pictures you sent to me are proof of some very disturbing happenings during the shipping to me. Not only does the carving seem to have changed colour but two very large holes have been chewed into the head by the rodent which nearly left me cyclopic.

We managed to capture the responsible rodent and so as not to make it too nervous of its surroundings we decided to keep it in the bust so that it has familiar surroundings for the moment. We will be calling out a vet in the morning to try to identify the species of animal that it is. After that I am not sure what we shall do with it.

I am afraid that this problem leaves us in a rather uncertain predicament Mr. Obo. As I noted to you in my email of August 4th; we cannot accept any kind of damaged artwork, and I am sure you will agree with me that having a rodent tunnel through your cranium is definitely damaging. I can if you wish return the artwork back to you however you may feel (as we do) that it is unfit for any kind of purpose other than the rubbish dump.

As a consequence of the above I am afraid that my board members cannot reach any agreement on any amount of payment so I must tell you that your application for a donation.scholarship payment will be refused. You have three choices open to you at this point:

1. You may submit another artwork sample.
2. If you do not wish to work on another carving you may wish to apply for our photography donation/scholarship payment instead.
3. You may wish to refuse any further work in which case we thank you for your time and wish you good luck.

Please get back to me as soon as possible with your decision. We realise of course that these problems are not your own doing so we would want to try to help you in other areas as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

I attach photographic proof of the ghastly state of the carving:

There is no real damage to the bust of course. I added the squirrel and other damage in Photoshop.

 

 

Obo is of course not a happy man, and not just because of his looming demise.

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: reply fast.

Brian,

I must first confess that i was totally surprice at what i saw in you recent mail to me. well,

1. i want you to send me the damage artwork,so that my lawer could take legal case with the poster agency.
2. i want the artwork to pick up legal case with the specialist wood seller.
3. and finally i will procecute the art and antiquity commission here in my country, for certifying it save.

i am realy shock at the development.cos i had spent much. if you are sending it use my poster address.

thanks

Ony eugene Obo.

 

 

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Dear Mr. Ony,

I shall arrange with my secretary to have your artwork returned as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

 

 

A couple of weeks go by, and of course I'm not actually going to return the bust.

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: reminder

Brian Anthony

i need your reply in respect to my last mail. i want to remind you that my lawyer had file pepers in respect of the work you claim to have being damaged and i is awaiting the arrival of the work to commence action, the court procedings shall last for aleast severer months. unfailily i shall be needing the art work by 5th of october, please do send it.

regards

Ony.

I don't bother to reply!

 

 

Obo's getting impatient now, and even accuses me of manipulating the photograph of the damaged head. I'm insulted!

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: Re: reminder

Brian Anthony

i shall be trutful to you mr Brian , i mailed you about severer times now and i got no reply from you. i have not got my artwork sent to me , neither have you send my donation to me. i must tell you sincerely that what you send to me was a perfect deceit of andvance use of graphics into manipulating the original pictorar work i did for. at this point i seek that you honestly pay me just as i have honestly done and send the work down to you in uk . as i write you now my lawyer is already poise to execute the legal procedings.

 

 

Well, what can I say. I'm rather upset that I should be accused of underhand tactics.

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Dear Mr. Obo,

You carving was shipped back to you LAST week. I send you a SCAN of the shipping receipt LAST WEEK (I didn't, but he doesn't know that!). The shipping receipt showed CLEARLY the delivery date to you would be September 28th. You did not have the good manners to reply to me to confirm that you had received it.

How DARE you insinuate that I have done something negative against you, HOW DARE YOU. You will apologise IN WRITING to me IMMEDIATELY or else you can go to Hell and forget any partnership.

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

 

 

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: read this

dear mr Brian,

i must be honest with at this point that i have not receive my work back.as i mail you now i had prosecuted the specialist wood seller. i am not guessing ,i have not got the work, remember i sent a like pattern address as this. p.o box . 1xxx oshodi lagos nigeria. . so as am mailing you now i have not gone to the post office. and let me tell i did not get any receipt of your sending my work to me what so ever. may be you mistaken some letters in my email address.

i am yet to get the work . i shall notify you should i recieve the work.

regards

Ony.

 

 

A short and sweet reply.

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

You will get NOTHING from me until I receive a full HANDWRITTEN apology for your previous INSULT to me.

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

 

 

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: apology

Brian Anthony -

so do you mean you have not sent the work over to me. am so sorry for insulting you at the first place, cos i know by your statement that you did not send it. could you send me the work or my donation.

GOD BLESS YOU AS you do this,

your pontential partner.

Ony

 

 

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Your apology is not accepted. I want it hand written on paper, scanned, and then sent to me as a email attachment. You must write a MINIMUM of 20 lines of apology.

When, and ONLY when you have done this will I send you a scan of the shipping receipt for the artwork and of course the contact details for the shipping company.

If you are not prepared to do as I ask then please do not reply to this email.

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

 

 

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: Re: apology

what do you think you are doing by this act that i should scan a hand written apology letter to you, dont you know that it will cost me cash to do all of that. even as i mail you am paying for the tiket.

what i need is my money or my art work. if you fear and honour GOD , do send my cash or my artwork.

you shall be hearing from me .

regards.

Ony.

 

 

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Do not contact me again unless you are sending your hand written apology.

Goodbye.

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

 

 

I don't receive any reply from Obo for just over two weeks, and just as I am beginning to suspect he has given up on me, I get this:

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: what is delaying my donation

Brian Anthony -

i have do what you ask me to do , what is now delaying my donation , i want you to understand that ii could give you more work should you so desire , at my donation. please do send me my donation. i am sorry for the insult i did to you.

Ony eugene.

 

 

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

What donation? I do not owe you any money at all. You sent DAMAGED work in to my company, which I have returned to you. All I have received so far from you is my valuable time wasted.

I told you before that you would get no further help from me until I received a written and scanned apology.

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

 

 

From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: doc/apology

dear mr Brian,

i have forwarded an attached handwritten letter to you , check on attachment to fine it. i know you are a quiet gentle man . do send my donation ,so that we could go down to business.

Ony Obo's apology letter:

 

 

Nice one Obo; you will now get your reward.... kind of.

From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo

Dear Mr. Obo,

Thank you for your apology. It takes a big and noble man to give such an apology, so for that I thank you once more.

As I told you previously, your carving was shipped back to you on September 16th and you should have received it by now. However having said that I do not recall receiving confirmation from the shipping company ( www.klingontrading.co.uk ) however you may if you wish contact them as the recipient to enquire as to the status of your package.

Please find attached a copy of my shipping receipt.

Sincerely,

Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts

I attach the shipping receipt (fake of course!):

Hopefully Obo won't notice I signed the receipt "Shiver Metimbers"....

 

 

Obo doesn't reply to me, but instead contacts Ranjit Burger in the Delivery Confirmation department of Klingon Shipping.

From: Ony Obo
To: Klingon Shipping
Subject: where is my shipment

dear klingon,

my name is mr Ony moses Obo, whose artifact was shipped via your company,on the 16th of september had not got to me till date, i saw the receipt via which it was sent , but why has my burst head not got to me.please i want you to get my work back to me .

here is my addreass. P.O. BOX 1xxx , OSHODI LAGOS NIGERIA.

Ony.

 

 

From: Ranjit Burger
To: Ony Obo

Dear Sir.

Thank you for contacting Klingon Shipping. My name is Ranjit and I hope I can be of service to you. I have spoken to our shipping staff and have been given the full facts.

Unfortunately, it appears that during the overnight storage period before airmail courier shipping, your package sustained quite extensive damage due to the fact that a rodent had been sealed within the package. One of our staff spotted that the packaging appeared to be damaged and our delivery manager ordered it to be inspected for safety reasons. On inspection, we found a dead rodent which had obviously suffocated due to lack of air within the package, and it appears that the rodent had chewed approximately 80% of the wooden carving inside the package. I can only assume that the creature did this in order to try to create more space inside the package for itself. I am afraid that the carving is almost totally destroyed.

Our insurance department immediately took the rodent to the vetenary surgeon for inspection to ascertain the cause of death, which it transpired was a case of stuffmefatgutzwivwud, which in laymen's terms means it was poisoned by ingesting too much of the wood from the carving, which also contained various trace chemicals, which encouraged the death even more.

Under normal circumstances, as the package initially appeared to have been damaged in our possession, we would of course compensate the owner to the full value of the item, however we were informed by a local the vetenary surgeon that in fact the rodent was an African Tree squirrel (Helioscirurus sp.) and could only have come from your part of the world, unless of course it had escaped from a local zoo, which I find very unlikely as we have no motorbikes in the city.

Consequently I contacted the person who packaged the item, a Mr. B. Anthony, and was informed by him that in fact the rodent was present in the package when he received it, and that when he shipped it back to you he assumed it was dead so left it in the package as some kind of proof to you of what had happened. Of course, it now transpires that the rodent was not dead, but sleeping, and whilst in our warehouse it chewed even more into the wood.

I am afraid that we cannot allow this item to be shipped as it is a health hazard, and compensation is out of the question as you screwed up. It will be stored in one of our large storage freezers until such time as you contact Mr. Anthony and discuss what action you both wish to take.

For your records I attach a photograph of the opened packaging.

Sincerely.

Ranjit Burger
Delivery Confirmation Dept.
Klingon Shipping

I quickly knock up a Photoshop of the packaging, dead fat squirrel, and damaged bust:

Just in case it's not obvious to some people, no squirrel was hurt during this scambait! Lets hope Obo doesn't notice that the squirrel seems to have changed colour since the last photo...